John Edwards Will Announce He’s Running for President

by Sean Hackbarth

John Edwards will announce he’s running for President. Great, I get to hear endless Wal-Mart bashing and droning about “Two Americas” until he drops out in early 2008:

Former Democratic vice presidential nominee
John Edwards jumped into the presidential race Wednesday a day earlier than he’d planned, prodded by an Internet glitch to launch a candidacy focused on health care, taxes and other domestic issues.

The North Carolina Democrat’s campaign accidentally went live with his election Web site a day before an announcement Thursday that was supposed to use Hurricane-ravaged New Orleans as a backdrop.

The slip-up gave an unintended double-meaning to his campaign slogan on the John Edwards ‘08 Web site: “Tomorrow begins today.”

Aides quickly shut down the errant Web site but could not contain news of the obvious, even in the shadows of former President Ford’s death.

“Better a day earlier than a day late,” said Jennifer Palmieri, an Edwards adviser.

I can’t wait [/sarcasm]. We political junkies are born to suffer.

I thought it was unseemly to use a place of tragedy as a political backdrop. President Bush got jabbed for using Ground Zero images. Populists receive a different standard.

At least Phelony Jones entertains me:

Many of you know him as the Breck Girl. And really, the man wears more hairspray than any woman I ever met. It can only get worse tomorrow in New Orleans, where the humidity can dismantle and curl even the most antihumectant hairspray-coated locks.

So John Edwards is going to announce how wonderful he is tomorrow as he stands on a pile of rubble in New Orleans. Now, one of his advisors leaked this today, so they aren’t the smartest bunch (think back to the Walmart Playstation debacle). But please please please don’t lead them on to this one: that like, every nitwad in the world – including both Brad Pitt AND Ray Nagin – have all like, made appearances and announcements and stuff from New Orleans. Because they’re all totally more smart and chi-chi than we are and we probably won’t know that or something…we’ll just believe them that they’re really cool.

With any luck, one of those boards will bear a tetanus-laden rusty nail…

If you have a few hours here’s a post from John Edwards’ weblog that’s drenched in links. [I'll give you a shiny quarter you can use to buy a Sam's Choice cola at Wal-Mart if you read all of it.]

It’s interesting that Edwards is bringing podcast maven Robert Scoble to New Orleans. He must think much of the primary will be fought in cyberspace.

John Edwards Joins Presidential Race” [via memeorandum]

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3 Responses to “John Edwards Will Announce He’s Running for President”



John Edwards fucking blows. I don’t think i need to elaborate on that.

His daughter’s pretty fly, though.


You might want to elaborate on your language some more DJ.


I’m John Edwards and I believe in 2 Americas.

The 1st America isn’t like me at all in that they sympathize with the victims of murderers and support the Death Penalty as a common sense thing to do to protect our society.

The 2nd America, the one I like the most, is the Sean Hackbarth America where Criminals no matter what they do and how evil they truly are, should be given warm hugs and Chocolate Pie.

The Sean Hackbarth America sympathizes with Terrorists, Criminals, and those who commit Vile Massacres of small little children by making sure they never have to face the Death Penalty.

Yes… the Sean Hacbarth America that cares so deeply for the enemy that it puts them in a life sentence instead of the Death Penalty for apparently no logical reasoning for it.

The Sean Hackbarth America thinks that when a Criminal Massacres a young child, that’s perfectly ok. What is actually barbaric is putting the criminal on Death Row. Eeeeesh! Lethal Inject! How Inhumane!!!!!!! Barbaric!!

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