Going Through TAM Archives, Part 1

by Sean Hackbarth

I’m going through 10 years of TAM archives:

September 11, 2001:

Evil’s shadow fell upon the United States today. Even now, a cloud of death covers the ruins of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

The survivors from the WTC looked like ghosts. Their skin and clothes were covered with grey-white ash. Their mouths gaped open gasping for air. They were moaning spirits with very disturbed souls.

Strong, decisive action is required to maintain the integrity and security of the United States. What happened today was an act of war and must be treated as such. Any action less than a declaration of war by the Congress will be a dissapointment. Of course, there needs to be a thorough investigation to determine who the bastards are who orchestrated these acts. If it does end up being Osama Bin Laden, he should be hunted down and destroyed along with every vestige of his organization. In war there is no place for trials. The United States is at war and must leave every possible military option available. Nations that have helped harbor the terrorists also must pay the price for their uncivilized deeds.

December 12, 2001: My first Krispy Kreme experience:

On a lighter, and sweeter note, yesterday, my doughnut cravings were fulfilled when the first Krispy Kreme store in Milwaukee opened. I arrived at 11:30 and waited eagerly for 30 minutes to pick up my two dozen golden glazed goodies to take to work.

These round bits of heaven were everything I expected and more. The hot ones I ate just melted in my mouth and the sugar glaze coated my tounge. Behind me in line were a couple who were in a five-year Krispy Kreme drought and drove 90 minutes just to get 5 dozen. She told me to buy one dozen more than I was planning because I would eat 12 as soon as I got into the car. I can understand the reaction after my first bite. These things are so heavenly and addictive. I have now dubbed them the “crack cocaine of junk food.”

February 21, 2002: On the ethics of war:

Rumsfeld shouldn’t be afraid to lie and deceive to achieve American war aims. War is ugly and messy. This war on terrorism is especially so because of the shadowy nature of the enemy. This war won’t be a set of simple acts of aggression. This will entail hiring nasty people to root out even nastier people. People will mislead; they will be tortured for information. Deals will be made with evil people for the sole purpose of victory. The U.S. was allies with the Soviet Union in World War II. Hitler was the more pressing enemy then. Does anyone regret joining Stalin?

June 26, 2002: For further evidence I would make a lousy NBA general manager here’s what I wrote about Yao Ming:

He’s a 7′5″ giant that can’t jump. At least that’s what I saw from film of his pre-draft workout. He dribbled a little and shot a little but didn’t show any moves. Sure, you don’t need to jump much when your 7′5″, but that can also be said of draft bust Shawn Bradley. Can you see Yao making any moves to get past Shaq? Instead, he’d get bowled over by the Lakers’ center.

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