Waiting for the Conspiracy Nuts

The Angry Frozen Head is waiting for Jew-bashing conspiracy nuts to claim today's plane crash was part of the Zionist master plan.

[via digg]

And the Answer Is...

Craig and Fraley hit it on the head. Little old me is 32. I don't feel bad about it since I've considered myself over-the-hill since 25. Only now I'm starting to get lingering aches and pains. Ugh! Let it be known I still get carded--and I don't mean at Pick 'n Save that cards everyone including my grandmother.

I had a quiet birthday. I avoided politics and weblogging. I hoped to watch a little baseball while enjoying some of New Glarus Brewing's finest. Because of rain in New York I watched The Nine. I'll need to watch another episode to determine if I care about these people.

If history repeats itself my family and I will probably do the dinner thing this weekend when we're not busy doing the work thing.

Thanks to all for their well wishes.

Guessing Game on My Birthday

Today's my birthday, and I have to work. Those are the breaks. I don't feel older or wiser. There will also be no wallowing knowing the fact I'm one year closer to my death. And I won't be punishing my readers with stories about how things were so much better "in the good old days."

For a little fun I'll let my audience guess my age. (DJ, don't say a word). I hope a few people who've met me in person will take a guess. Usually the guesses make me smile.

UPDATE: Ankle Biting Pundits has another guessing game: who will get the Mark Foley post-rehab interview. My guess is Larry "Softball" King.

Comments Have Returned

The comments are up again. Here's hoping I don't get hit with another spam avalanche.

Play nice and turn the screaming down to 8 from 11.

Lightsabers and Football Video Games

I found two people with too much time on their hands:

• First, we have a New York geek who made his own lightsabers with LEDs and swordfights with his friends. It's like that Star Wars kid only with some coordination.

• Next, we have a guy who's playing every game of the NFL season with his modified version of Tecmo Super Bowl. This week, the Packers lose to the Saints but rookies Abdul Hodge and Greg Jennings have good games.

Eris' Name Fits

The astronomical object that caused astronomers to define what a planet is and demote Pluto has been given the "perfect name" according to its discoverer:

Eris is the new permanent name for the solar body formerly known as Xena, while Pluto’s new number reflects its loss of planetary status.

Dr. Michael E. Brown, a professor of planetary astronomy at the California Institute of Technology who discovered the distant ball of ice and rock that he nicknamed Xena and that had been designated 2003 UB313, chose the name Eris, after the goddess of discord and strife in Greek mythology.

“It is absolutely the perfect name,” Dr. Brown said, given the continuing discord among astronomers and the public over whether Pluto should have retained its planetary status.

In mythology, Eris ignited discord that led to the Trojan War.

“She causes strife by causing arguments among men, by making them think their opinions are right and everyone else’s is wrong,” Dr. Brown said. “It really is just perfect.”

"Dwarf Planet, Cause of Strife, Gains ‘the Perfect Name’"

Jump Around!

The next time you're in your hotel room with too much energy take a flying leap. Just make sure you take a picture for BedJump.com.

Here's some inspiration:

[via digg]

Fake Crocodile Hunter Death Video

Since the Steve Irwin's death video hasn't been leaked onto the internet yet some bozos made their own. You'll have to click on the link. It's too lame to deserve being put in this post.

Crocodile Hunter Pulled Out Barb Before Dying

Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, was a man's man in the last few moments of his life:

The dramatic details of Irwin's death Monday as he was shooting a program on the Great Barrier Reef were disclosed by John Stainton, his manager and close friend. He said he had viewed the videotape showing the TV star pulling the poisonous stingray barb from his chest.

"It shows that Steve came over the top of the ray and the tail came up, and spiked him here (in the chest), and he pulled it out, and the next minute he's gone," Stainton told reporters in Cairns, the nearest city to tiny Batt Reef off Australia's far northeast coast where the accident happened.

Stainton said the video was "shocking."

"It's a very hard thing to watch, because you are actually witnessing somebody die, and it's terrible," he said.

"'Crocodile Hunter' Took out Barb on Tape"

Tech Problems and Distractions

I may have a day off (thanks boss), but the posting is light. Movable Type isn't liking me today, and I'm distracted by my fantasy football draft in a few hours.

Steve Irwin's Death Filmed

Yes, I'll take a brief dive into celebrity death posting. The Crocodile Hunter died off the coast of Australia. He was wacked by a frightened stingray. The twisted part comes now that there's word a camera filmed the scene. It will make it onto YouTube in 3...2...1....

"And the Sick Searches Begin..."

"Steve Irwin, The Croc Hunter, RIP"

"Steve Irwin Dead At 44"

Poor Pluto Gets Demoted

Pluto had a good run. When it was discovered it was thought to be much bigger than it really is. It has a funky orbit that crosses with Neptune and it named after the god of the underworld--how cool is that? But little Pluto is too small and threw off astronomers' ideas about planets. So Pluto as planet had to go:

After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is -- and isn't -- a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have labored since Copernicus without one.

"Pluto Gets the Boot"

"Pluto In The Dog House"

"And the Universe Weeps …"

"Planet no More"

Geologists Ticked at "Pluton"

Later this week astronomers will vote on a scientific definition of a planet. Not only are some astronomers bothered, but geologists aren't too happy either:

Geologists have also entered the fray, complaining at the use of plutons as a new category -- a term they already use to describe a body of igneous rock that solidified below the Earth's surface.

"Well, if we are changing the dictionary definition of a planet, why stop there. I guess they could change other terms such as plutons as well," quipped one delegate.

"Scientists Create Big Bang with Planet Definition"

Pluton

Astronomers think calling Pluto a "pluton" will fix their planet problem. To me, it sounds like something from Flash Gordon.

"Pluto's New Place in Space Could Be as a 'Pluton'"

Mexican Caught Smuggling Cheese

A smuggler was caught bringing cheese, not illegal immigrants nor drugs, into the U.S.

Officers using an X-ray machine saw the outline of 16 bulky packages stashed in a secret compartment behind the seat, which they initially believed were packets containing illicit drugs.

"Generally if you see something (with the X-ray machine) you expect it to be narcotics, but this turned out to be cheese," Maier told Reuters by telephone.

Officers regularly impound drugs including marijuana, heroin and cocaine at border crossings from Mexico, although Maier said the smuggled cheese haul was unusual.

"It looks like it was destined for people who wanted a taste of the old country," he added.

Police arrested the 38-year-old driver, seized the cheese and confiscated the truck because he failed to declare his cargo.

There's a Wisconsin joke in this story somewhere. Help me out.

"U.S. Border Cops Nab Mexican Cheese Smuggler" [via Netscape]

Meat in the Universe

Here's a very short story on why we still haven't heard from the space aliens yet.

"They're Made Out of Meat" [via Scott Rosenberg]

She Isn't Much of a Reader But I'm Sure She Likes the Pretty Pictures

Michelle Persaud maybe the the most beautiful person on Capitol Hill but the staff counsel to the House Judiciary Committee Democrats isn't much of a book reader unless you consider glossy mags like InStyle, Vogue, Italian Vogue, French Vogue, British Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, and Us Weekly as books. But I can understand her work must be exhausting trying to keep Ranking Democrat John Conyers from looking more like an ass than he all ready is. After a long, hard day I'm sure Michelle doesn't want to look at anything other than beautiful people in really expensive clothes.

"50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill" [via Wizbang]

UPDATE: No more fun with Michelle's MySpace page. She made it private, and I don't care enough to sign up and try to be her "friend."

Discovery Launches

"Shuttle Discovery Reaches Orbit"

Celebrating July 2

Owen Robinson mentions the Declaration of Independence's introduction to the Continental Congress on 07.02.1776. With it passing two days later. Probably due to some parlimentary procedure John Adams thought 07.02 should be the day of celebration:

The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more. You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.

How Fast Can You Type?

Find out how fast you can type. I can do 60-70 words per minute.

[via digg]

Not the Only One Job Hunting

James Joyner is seeking new employment. He prefers staying in the D.C./Northern Virginia area.

"On the Market Again"

"Fair Trade is for Liberals"

The Contra Cafe guys do it again with another great t-shirt.

Prepare Yourself

Big news coming later today.

Memorial Day 2006

"Bush Lays Wreath at Arlington Cemetery" [via Wizbang]

What Are You Doing Here?

It's Memorial Day Weekend. If you're reading this STOP. Go see a movie, find a bar, fire up the grill. It's the unofficial start of summer. That's a whopping three months here in Wisconsin. We have to take advantage of each precious moment.

If some big event happens in the next few days I'll be covering it. Other than that I'll doodling around with whatever catches my eye.

Have a great weekend.

SurvivaBalls

The evil geniuses at Haliburton are at it again. Expect the Bush administration to purchase $3 billion worth of SurvivaBalls in a no-bid contract.

[via Electric Venom]

Hot for Teacher

Oh to have been in this teacher's classroom:

A teacher at West Boca Raton High School is under investigation after school district officials learned about risque photos of her on a Web site.

Erica Chevillar, 25, is a first-year social studies teacher at the school. She is also one of about 80 models featured on the Web site of the USA National Bikini team, a Boca Raton-based company, according to the Web site. The site lists calendars for sale featuring scantily clad models dressed in bathing suits, provocative outfits or lingerie.

Chevillar, using the name Erica Lee, appears in outfits ranging from cleavage-baring jackets to skimpy bikinis in about two-dozen photos.

"Florida Teacher In Hot Water Over Swimsuit Photos"

Florida High-Rise Collapse

Being buried alive is a horrible way to die:

A support frame collapsed at a high-rise construction project Saturday, killing three workers who became trapped in quick-drying concrete as co-workers dug to try to free them, authorities said.

The workers were on the 27th level of the building, pouring its concrete roof, when the supporting frame structure below them gave way, dropping them to the 26th floor, said Capt. Al Cruz of Miami-Dade Fire Rescue.

A 3-foot layer of hardening concrete completely encased one worker and partially buried the others, fire rescue officials said. The cause of the frame collapse was not immediately determined.

"3 Killed in Florida High-Rise Collapse"

London Pics

Chris' wife took London pictures. *SIGH* I need to get back there.

"The Gruppenfuhrer Excellent London Adventure Part 2"

Podcast Pilot

For a half hour of your life you can't have back you could do worse than to listen to the first "Week in Preview" podcast Aaron and I did. In it you can listen to us talk about Darfur, immigration protests, and knitting. You will also get to hear me call Arianna Huffington an "intellectual whore."

The Funny and the Not Funny

The Funny:

Forget Tony Snow. Make Jim Geraghty the next White House press secretary.

The Not Funny:

Xoff failing at humor. Heck, Eugene Kane has been sounding better on the racial issues surrounding the Jude verdict.

New Life Goal

I want to be connected to an urban legend like Charlie Sykes.

[via Jessica McBride]

Google Made Me Giggle

A busy April 1st meant I couldn't check out any of the online April Fool's Day pranks. Google's is still up, and they didn't let me down. Count how many times they use word "contextual."

UPDATE: Casper's joke was good too. He almost got me.

Robert & Ann, Sitting in a Tree...

BetterBadNews found Ann Coulter's illegitimate daughter (note the similar blond hair and obnoxious claims). Somehow Robert Wright gets caught in the quicksand.

Say a Little Prayer

I think Glenn Reynolds isn't much of the religious type, but I don't think he'll mind your prayers for him and his family for their loss. Glenn has done so much for webloggers and weblogging. It's the least we can do.

I too know what it's like to recently lose a grandparent. We just have to remember they lived fruitful lives. We loved them, and they loved us. Grandparent hugs are some of the warmest in my memory. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the love they gave out without the discipline parents have to do. Whatever the reason, they make for wonderful memories.

E-Mail Trouble

Web access to my e-mail (using the sean--at--theamericanmind--dot--com address) isn't happening right now. If you need to reach me send messages to my back-up address theamericanmind--at--gmail--dot--com.

Where is Everybody?

Shouldn't the West Coasters still be awake? Or shouldn't the East Coasters be sitting down with that first cup of coffee?--After all, it's just after 6:00 a.m. in New York City, Providence, Washington, D.C., and the rest.

Doesn't anyone have any kind of work ethic?

Chicks with Guns

Me thinks Matthew Yglesias is starting to appreciate a person's right to bear arms.

"Osama's Got No Chance"

Taiwan's Leaning Tower of Salad

Foodies, architecture geeks, buffet cheapskates, and lovers of the wacky things Asians do can all appreciate this.

"Maximizing your ROI at Pizza Hut" [via Slashfood]

Alba: I'm Not Nude in There

Jessica Alba has sicced her lawyers upon Playboy Magazine:

Film star Jessica Alba demanded that Playboy magazine pull its March issue, saying on Thursday that its editors made her an unwitting cover girl and misled readers into thinking they could see her nude inside.

Lawyers for Alba sent Playboy a letter threatening to sue if it did not remove the issue -- which features a publicity photo of the bikini-clad actress on the front -- from the stands and pay for damages to her reputation and career.

"Playboy has violated my personal rights and blatantly misled the public, who might think I had given them permission to put me on their cover when I didn't," Alba, 24, said in a statement.

Alba's lawyers say that after the "Fantastic Four" film star refused to pose for Playboy, the magazine tricked Sony Pictures into giving it a publicity photo from her 2005 film "Into the Blue" for the cover.

Playboy added to the deception when it put its bunny logo on Alba's bikini top in the photo, her lawyer said.

That's a Relief

Northwest Airlines got their pilots union to agree to pay and benefits cuts. The union was threatening to strike if the airline got a judge to void the contract.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief because in five days I'm flying to Phoenix for spring training baseball...on Northwest. No wonder I got such a good deal on tickets. I'm hoping airline staff aren't too grouchy about their cuts.

"Northwest, Pilots Reach Labor Pact, Averting Strike"

So Wicked

Wicked yet funny.

"Michael Jackson’s Favorite Comic?"

Game Show Nightmare

Ken Jennings this guy ain't.

[via digg]

Cheney's Fury

A hunting we will go...
A hunting we will go...

Beware of Cheney with a Gun

A long-time Texas Republican got between Vice President Dick Cheney and some quail.

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, was "alert and doing fine" in a Corpus Christi hospital Sunday after he was shot by Cheney on a ranch in south Texas, said Katharine Armstrong, the property's owner.

He was in stable condition Sunday, said Yvonne Wheeler, spokeswoman for the Christus Spohn Health System in Corpus Christi.

Armstrong in an interview with The Associated Press said Whittington, 78, was mostly injured on his right side, with the pellets hitting his cheek, neck and chest during the incident which occurred late afternoon on Saturday.

The only more dangerous place to be is between Sen. Russ Feingold and a microphone.

"Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter"

So Sleepy

That's what walking around Washington's mall does to you. I don't know if I have the energy to get my interview with Rep. Green up tonight. Let's see if I catch my second (or third or fourth) wind. But then again, I have a big, long day tomorrow at CPAC. Let's just say I'll get it up as soon as possible.

Brokeback to the Future

After watching this mock trailer give me your best Marty McFly jokes.

Hewitt Might Bare All

Jennifer Love Hewitt in Playboy? Ok. No problem with that. I guess the Maxim spreads and being all wet in a movie wasn't sexy enough to make her "edgier." I'll find the pics when they appear on the net.

Speaking of breasts in the first hour of 24 when I saw Michelle I thought to myself, "Great! Another season of Michelle's breasts." Then her car exploded and she (and her breasts) were killed. I had to pause my TiVo and sob for a few minutes.

"Jennifer Love Hewitt to Do Nude Playboy Shoot?"

"Is JLH going to do Playboy?"

Big! No, REALLY BIG! News Day

There are so many big stories to comment on: Oprah sees the light; Hamas won the Palestinian elections; Gov. Doyle is knee-deep in scandal. Let me catch my breath, pick up my jaw from the floor, and consume an adult beverage before diving into a long night of posting.

Tying Up Loose Ends

This is a mish-mash post linking to items TAM covered the past few days:

• Pat Robertson apologized for his stupid "God gave Ariel Sharon his stroke" remark.

• Gene Shalit apologized to GLAAD for calling one of the Brokeback Mountain characters a "sexual predator."

• The Heaven City Restaurant has permission to display the National Liquor Bar sign.

• NewsBusters has video of Harry "Banana Boat" Belafonte calling President Bush "the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world."

Everything is Gay

Three minutes, one chord, bad singing, and wacked-out lyrics. Everything is gay.

[via Subject to Change]

How NOT to Order Wine

A waiter gives advice for ordering wine in a restaurant. The funniest post I've read all year. [Uh, 2006 is only four days old. SSSSHHHHH!!! Details, details.]

Happy 2006

Have a great, safe, and prosperous new year.

Starting the Party Early

No big night out on the town for me this New Year's Eve. Instead my family made a turkey and I've opened up a 2001 Murphy-Goode cabernet sauvignon. That grape hasn't been my favorite but this bottle burst with blueberry and cherry aromas immediately after I uncorked it. In my mouth it's velvety smooth with a bit of lemon acidity. It's the best cabernet I've ever drank. Kudos go to my mother for finding me a great Christmas present.

Tonight, the plan is to post the 2005 TAM Awards in all three catagories (books, music, and weblogs--I'm accepting bribes via my tip jar) then to pop open a bottle of bubbly to ring in the New Year. If you want to keep me company IM me on MSN at shackbar--at--hotmail.com or on Google Talk at sean.hackbarth--at--gmail.com.

Worst Americans Ever

Alexandra von Maltzan at All Things Beautiful came up with a question perfect for the least productive week of the year: name the ten worst Americans ever. This is sure to stir up discussion. Let me take a stab at it in no particular order:

• Benedict Arnold--The man betrayed the revolution. 'Nuff said.

• Margaret Sanger--She was a racist and eugenitcs advocate. She also founded Planned Parenthood. Bad, bad, bad.

• Aaron Burr--The freak almost became President. Later he killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel and tried to create a nation in the West.

• John Wilkes Booth--Killed Abraham Lincoln for a lost cause.

• Beardsley Ruml--"Father of the modern American state" because he's the father of the withholding tax. [see Amity Shlaes' The Greedy Hand]

• Jefferson Davis--Led the Confederacy in the name of "States' Rights" which meant legalized slavery.

• Stephen Douglas--His "popular sovereignty" led to "Bleeding Kansas" and didn't ease the pressures that led to the Civil War.

• Ed Gein--It's too easy to put a murderer on the list, but Gein wasn't just your "ordinary" serial killer. The loon made furniture out of his victims.

• Timothy McVeigh--He may have thought he was being patriotic, but his hatred of the federal government was so intense he blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building and killed 168 people.

• Roger Taney--He authored the awful Dred Scott case that fueled the fire of civil war.

I really wanted to add Franklin Roosevelt. We're stuck with his expansion of government in the name of fighting the Great Depression. He failed, and we're paying the price for his welfare state. But he did lead the Allies in World War II. U.S. Grant could also make this list if you only looked at his corrupt Presidency. But Grant is a war hero. That saves him.

Who would you put on your list?

[via Captain Ed]

"Time to Make the Donuts"--in Heaven

The actor famous for his Dunkin' Donuts commercials died at age 83. The nearest DD isn't that far away from my store. I'll have to stop in sometime soon in Michael Vale's honor.

"Dunkin' Donuts Ad Actor Michael Vale Dies" [via Lone Star Times]

TAM's Quiet Time

The week in between Christmas and New Years is the least productive of the year. I'm going with this flow with a relatively quiet week at TAM HQ. If some big story happens, say another terrorist attack or natural disaster, I'll be on top of it. But for the next few days expect posts on the not-so-serious and odd.

That's not to say I'm relaxing all week. In retail things don't slow down now. There are gift returns and people wanting to use gift cards burning holes in their pocket. I won't be able to catch my breath until the kids go back to school after Christmas break.

The Season of Giving

Judging from my Site Meter stats I know few people are using their computers to read TAM's latest. Good, because there's nothing happening here. I'm just casually cooking for the family (waffles and omelets done with a ham in the oven) and relaxing until the Packers-Bears game. With your computer on and not doing anything how about donating some of your cpu time to Folding@Home. It will help with research into "Alzheimer's, Mad Cow (BSE), CJD, ALS, Huntington's, Parkinson's disease, and many Cancers and cancer-related syndromes." If you're a gadget geek hook up with the Team Engadget, or if you're a political geek there's the RedState.org team.

Christmas in TAM Land

This Christmas Eve is a change for me. Due to scheduling conflicts my family is celebrating tomorrow. We've always done the dinner and gift giving on Christmas Eve. We're turning it into brunch and and all-day feed--we've got enough food for that, yeesh. So tonight has been cleaning up the house and being lazy watching NORAD's Santa Tracker. (It's just so cute!) Oh, and I made my first gin gimlet. That is a slow-sippin' cocktail. Whoa, and potent too.

Merry Christmas to all of you. I hope you enjoy your time spent with family and friends.

Last-Minute Ann

Ann Althouse has "yet to do any Christmas shopping!" Judging from her weblog she won't take it out on weary retail workers.

"Running out of Time"

Christmas Shoppers are Miserable Humans

The more Christmas seasons I work in retail the more I become a Scrooge. I offered plenty of complaints last year that are still applicable today. Let me add some more:

• When a heavy security gate is coming down that doesn't mean you should run under it. If you are that stupid don't be surprised when a manager pushes you out of the way so you don't get crushed.

• When the store closes that means you're supposed to leave. Hearing the announcement that the store is closed doesn't mean you get to run to the restroom because you were too stupid to do it 15 minutes before. Being closed also means we can't look up a book for you. You'd be surprised at how many unreasonable requests we get when we're trying to get people to leave. Store employees actually like to get home at a reasonable time. Long shopping hours are a convenience to customers not an entitlement.
  

You may notice and like that smiling face helping you compensate for your inability to be organized, mildly helpful, and considerate. But behind the facade is contempt for how much of an idiot you are. To you morons we wonder how America will continue to be the world's sole superpower. We wonder if the nation's collective I.Q. goes down with each new child you bring into the world. Stupid people shouldn't breed, and we could certainly like to have easy access to enough x-rays to fix the problem.

Laughing at Wikipedia

On science subjects Wikipedia may be as accurate as the Encyclopedia Britannica. However, when it comes to preening egos it's turning into a joke:

Sleuthing into the accuracy of the open-source web encyclopedia known as Wikipedia has led to the door of its founder, Jimmy Wales.

Public edit logs reveal that Wales has changed his own Wikipedia bio 18 times, deleting phrases describing former Wikipedia employee Larry Sanger as a co-founder of the site.

Wales has also repeatedly revised the description of a search site he founded called Bomis, which included a section with adult photos called "Bomis Babes."

Christmas Craziness

With this being the weekend before Christmas the bookstore was packed with shoppers. They're not desparate yet, but they're close. No longer can we order books into the store by Christmas. So, if you really want something in particular nab the book's ISBN from an online bookstore then get on the phone. This will save you the stress of jumping from one bookstore to another. If that fails think of alternatives. The best way is to go to your nearest bookstore and find the section where the book you wanted is. Asking a bookseller is also an idea, but to be honest at this busy time we're trying to help as many customers as we can. I don't think it's fair to suck up that person's time while other people are waiting just because you don't know what Uncle Joe wants. Most importantly, please be polite to the employees. We're trying our best. Both customers and employees are stressed out. Kindness can go a long way. Of course, if you're treated badly ask for the manager. No one deserves that.

S'Mores Nativity

Is this sacrilegious? Will Bill O'Reilly be screaming about this anytime soon?

[via Slashfood]

Free Porn

Thanks to this guy's inspiration I'm doing my own little experiment to see if mentioning free porn will boost traffic.

[via digg]

UPDATE: The experiment is working. TAM is #1 on Google's weblog search for "porn."

Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine

This is the time of year when life interferes with this weblog. After 8+ hours of managing Christmas shoppers my brain is fried. Few synapses are firing to put together a decent post. I just keep telling myself that in nine days the worst will be over.

Have any Christmas shopping stories--past, present, or hell, future--you want to share? If not then go over to the Weblog Awards and help TAM stay out of last place.

Watching a Real Life Video Game

Check out this Russian kid jumping around and bouncing off walls like Super Mario. Hollywood, give this kid a stunt man tryout.

"Grown in S**t"

GBfan wants you to always remember the truth about organic food.

"My Take on Organic Foods"

Pearl Harbor Day

Dean Esmay remembers.

Message from the Afterlife

Eerie.

Make your own Einstein picture.

[via the Commissar]

Hyperbole Time

Greatest Gap ad ever.

Most Fascinating

Bryan Preston and John Hawkins do their best Barbara Wa-Wa by offering their "Most Fascinating People" lists. Bryan picks some great ones:

Mary Mapes. Yes, Mary Mapes. The woman is a living, breathing lie, and as such is a good stand-in for most of her MSM colleagues. She is Gollum in a dress, and Captain Ahab with a microphone, and she absolutely hates George W. Bush and everyone who even thinks about supporting him. A tough, knowledgeable interviewer would be able to draw some truly fascinating thoughts out of Mapes’ twisted mind.

...

Tom Barnett. You’ve probably never heard of him, yet his ideas are a major force shaping the US war strategy. Agree with him or not, his book The Pentagon’s New Map is a must-read for anyone who wants to understand what’s going on in the White House, the Pentagon and the Middle East.

John goes down the blogosphere road:

Jason Calacanis: Calacanis reportedly managed to sell Weblogs Inc, which consisted of roughly 85 blogs, to AOL for somewhere around $25 million dollars which gave hope to bloggers all across the world that one day, some clueless corporation would pay grossly inflated prices for their blogs as well. Grossly inflated, paid way too much, got taken for a ride, however you want to phrase it, Calacanis will be laughing all the way to the bank.

...

Charles Johnson and Roger Simon: When they created Pajamas Media, they drew supporters and detractors out of the woodwork and set off a firestorm of chatter, criticism, and speculation about the future of the blogosphere. Whatever ultimately happens with Pajamas Media, it has certainly made a big splash.

• Adam Curry: Will podcasts be money makers and how much will the ex-MTV VJ make? Will it be enough to buy the *burp* Senseo company?
  
• Sen. Bill Frist: From solid 2008 Presidential hopeful to weakling butt of the conservative blogosphere.
  
• President Bush: He may be down but still do not "misunderestimate" him.
  
• Chief Justice John Roberts: We all know he's very, very smart. Yet we all wonder how conservative the man will be on the bench.
  

Giving Thanks

What am I thankful for?

• Living in a free nation with brave men and women risking their lives to keep it that way.
• An economic system with so much material blessings a major problem is obesity.
• Magical science and technology that allows you to read these words and for you to reply back.
• Family and friends who enrich my life.
• A loving God for without Him nothing is possible.

"Thankful"

"Giving Thanks"

UPDATE: I just got home from my aunt's and uncle's great (as always) dinner. One more thing I'm thankful for is not eating until I burst.

Cocks

Those poor feathered fighters.

"The Real Victims of Bird Flu"

Polly Want a Nipple?

Florida gets hit again with another strange woman story:

A woman has been arrested for padding her bra — with a stolen rare parrot.

Jill Knispel, 35, hid the Greenwing parrot in her bra after taking it from her employer, Baby Exotic Birds of Englewood, police said.

"Woman Arrested after Stealing Rare Parrot by Hiding It in Her Bra"

Buyer's Remorse

Leather pants + hot girl + great sense of humor = regrettable purchase but great eBay ad.

[via Dean's World]

A Soup to Avoid

If you ever have the opportunity pass on Chunky's chicken and dumplings. The soup is bland but with an annoying bell pepper flavor. It also looks like nacho cheese dip.

Bush Hates Podcasters

JimK is having technical difficulties so there might not be a Starkcast this week. He blames Bush. I think it's Emily.

Puzzle Problems

While watching the World Series I've been working on some Sudoku puzzles. Let me tell you: I suck. The easy ones are taking me twice as long than average. Ugh!

200 Years Ago Today...

Lord Nelson led the British Navy to victory in the Battle of Trafalgar.

"Trafalgar 200: 'England Expects That Every Man Shall Do His Duty'"

Idiot, Sports-Loving Criminal

WTMJ's John Jagler found a moron who like Larry Bird way too much:

A fan of the Hick from French Lick reached a plea agreement with prosecutors for a crime spree that included robbery and shooting a gun with intent to kill. The deal was 30-years in prison. He said no. Not because it was too long.. but too short. James Torpy asked for, and was given 33-years. The reason?? He wanted to match Bird's jersey number, 33. "He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey," Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott told reporters. "We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be. "I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But I know the (district attorney) is happy about it." I hope Larry Bird lover and WTMJ sales representative Tom Hecker is never charged with a crime.

Lottery Winner Found

Even luckier than Judd Gregg was Steve West. The Oregonian told ABC News that he plunked down $40 to buy his first-ever Powerball tickets and ended up being the sole winner of the $340 million jackpot.

"$340 Million Powerball Winner Steps Forward"

Tying One On

Ah, shoe tying. I have bad memories of learning to tie my shoes. I remember sitting on the floor in kindergarden staring at my gym shoes trying to figure out how to make a knot. I ended up just tucking them into the shoes and hoped nothing flew off during a wild game of color tag. The "bunny running around the tree" metaphor didn't work. I watched adults demonstrate for what seemed like hours in 5-year-old time. Thank god for velcro. I'm not sure how I ended up learning to tie my laces. My method ended up making a knot with two loops, "bunny ears." They're not the tightest loops, but they've gotten me this far. Even today, if someone is watching me they give me a weird look at how I do it.

"Another Childhood Milestone Reached"

Coolest Cat in the World

Jib's cat likes Leinies.

Clone Advice

Time for something non-Miers:

Just some general notes on the care and feeding of clones.

1. They will always want to dress exactly the same. It's a group identity thing. Try to get one to wear a different shirt or maybe some pants while the others are wearing shorts, and they all start screaming in this weirdly-synchronized, air-siren-like way, which is damn annoying. Since you'll no doubt have tattooed the bottoms of their feet or the back of their neck or where ever with the usual identifying barcode, what do you care? Let the idiots all dress the same. The good news is that clones apparently have no fashion sense and will be happy to wear cheap T-Shirts and denim more or less on a constant basis. Wal-Mart fashions were made for clones.

...

5. Tangentially related: Evil clone? Never happens. Bitter, sarcastic clone? Every freakin' time.

...

10. Eventually your clone will get the idea of cloning itself. You might think it's a bad idea at first -- everyone knows that a clone of clone is like a second generation photocopy, and it becomes slightly more smudged, and then next thing you know you've got a drooling idjit that looks like a mashup between you and the late Marty Feldman -- but on the other hand, by the time your clone gets this idea, you'll have realized that all your clone is good for is sitting on the couch and mocking you while it eats your food and tries to trick your wife into having sex with it. Doesn't your clone deserve to be similarly afflicted? Sure it does. Be warned, however: Your clone's clone will still want to sleep with your wife. They're just that way.

Happy B-Day to Me

Jay scooped me on my own birthday. That's a first for me. Yes, today is my birthday. I'm one year closer to my death. Being 31 feels no different than being 30, or 29, or 28 or.... I've considered myself over-the-hill since I turned 25. Thankfully, I'm blessed with good health, a fine family, good friends, and an interesting obsession hobby.

Today, I slept late (took the day off from work), treated myself with something new to play on my Playstation 2, and will see if the family takes me out to dinner tonight. I may even turn off the computer and finish a book.

UPDATE: Yesterday was Captain Ed's two-year aniversary weblogging. Congrats.

Can't Help But Laugh

What a combo: Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life + crystal meth.

"Shooting Suspect’s Hostage: I Gave Him Meth"

Rita Survivor

Someone stayed in Houston and survived Hurricane Rita.

"Thankfully, Not Much to See Up Here"

Moving Millions

With highways outside Houston turned into parking lots I'm surprised no one has blamed President Bush. But in all seriousness about the only thing Texas officials could have done was to implement contraflow sooner, and that might not have done much good.

With Hurricane Rita losing steam a lot of evacuees will regret leaving town. Many of us have short-term memories. We best remember events that happened most recently. Millions fled from Rita because of the recent memory of Katrina's destruction (the most visible due to New Orleans' failed levees and not the storm itself). When the next hurricane heads toward the Texas coast many will wait longer to see if she loses power.

That's the price of giving people free choice. Even in a devestated New Orleans officals didn't go so far as to force people to leave, and that was only a few thousand stubborn people. There's no way to force evacuations of hundreds of thousands of people. Even with martial law and thousands of armed troops Americans would resist. Such blatant totalitarianism isn't in our cultural DNA.

"Best-Laid Plans Weren't Enough in Texas"

[As an aside, why did so many people take the same roads? From a brief look at a map I see lots of ways out of Houston. Not all of them are straight shots to San Antonio or Dallas, but I'm sure a 100-mile detour would be faster than sitting in miles and miles of traffic.]

Illness Update

I slept so long today that I got tired of sleeping. Yes, it is possible to be in a nice, comfy bed for so long that you just want to get up and move around just for the sake of doing so. Thanks for all your concern about my sickness. Yesterday, the doctor told me I have a sinus infection. Now, I have drugs just no good drugs. Just some antibiotics and something for my nose. The antibiotics are a huge pills, but they're working even if it's just a placebo effect.

Finger-sized big.

A Bug Got Me

Yesterday morning I woke up with a sore throat. I only worked half a day. Sleeping 13+ hours and Advil helped my throat but I have a splitting headache and am very, very tired. Thus TAM is quiet today. Here's hoping some oatmeal and lots more sleep will make things better.

Katrina's Second Act

I just know Mother Nature wants to kill a stupid reporter. She couldn't get the job done when hitting Florida. She's now in the gulf gathering energy. I hope she pulls it off. It will teach those idiot "journalists" not to tease Mother Nature. What I don't hope is it hits New Orleans. It's a great city but a hurricane could wipe the place out.

"Parts of La. May Evacuate As Katrina Nears"

The Ladies Love Sean

But just not the one pumping out posts on a daily basis here at TAM. Oh well. So we learn from the Huffington Post that Jessica Alba has a crush on Sean Connery. This is surprising to Arianna? What woman doesn't have a crush on 007? (And ladies, if you say you don't, you're lying! It's universal and probably genetic. Just like a woman's love for McDonald's french fries.) It's that combination of grey hair, weathered face, seriousness, and--yes--that accent. It certainly doesn't hurt to still be in great shape and have a history of looking really good in a tux.

"Jessica Alba has a Crush on Sean Connery!"

Why Ask Why?

Tonya asks, "Why do we talk about men and sex so much, by the way?" Thousands of pages could be written answering that question. And after all those keys were clicked, trees killed, and pages printed we still wouldn't know the answer.

[via Ann Althouse]

Great Deal at Amazon

I found something to let all your tensions melt away. And it's a whopping 96% off!

[This absolutely isn't safe for work. But it's the weekend. I'm sure nobody will be watching.]

Vacation Day in the Windy City

Today, I'm in Chicago. Primary mission is to visit the Art Institute and get some culture in me. A secondary mission is to check out Millenium Park and mock the Frank Gehry pavillion. (Acutally for a Gehry it doesn't look that bad.) Already I sense trouble. My 125 MB flash memory decided not to be recognized by my camera and computer. Does flash memory sometimes just give out? That means I'm limited to about 20 pictures--not that I'd force you to see them all.

Catch you tonight.

Vacation Time

You read that right. I'm taking some much-needed time off from work. I've been at the bookstore so long I have three weeks of vacation a ear, and I'm taking all of it. I feel like a Frenchman. No overnight trips are planned. With my time off coming up I thought about going someplace, but I realized I did a whole lot of traveling this year: Washington, D.C. for CPAC; Phoenix, AZ for my annual Spring Training baseball pilgrimage; and Nashville, TV for BlogNashville. That's more flying than I've ever done in a year. So my nine days off (returning on 08.23) will be relaxing around the house, possibly going to Chicago, visiting some local parks, reading, and some weblogging. Events will take place and inspiration will hit me to write. So I may be on vacation but TAM will still be humming.

One Word Description

Moron.

"Texas Man Aims to Visit Every Starbucks" [via PoliBlog]

And Speaking of Beer...

Budweiser is coming out with a rasberry-flavored brew called Tilt.

It will be aimed at people ages 21 to 27 who are looking for a "transition" beverage for the period between the end of their workday and the start of their night out, said McGauley and Mic Zavarella, Anheuser-Busch director of innovation.

Miller may respond with a concoction from South Africa. Brutal Fruit sounds like an immediate failure to claim the angst-driven Staind-loving market.

"Tilting at 20-Somethings"

UPDATE: Gizmodo takes a short break from yapping about gadgets and has this to say about Tilt:

It is gradually being released across the states, expect it everywhere in October and all over your pants on October 16th.

Bad Idea But It Tasted Good

When you come home from work dead tired because you slept so little the night before it's not a good idea to drink a bottle of New Glarus Brewery's Spotted Cow if your goal is to write up a few posts. That stuff's 5.1% alcohol level wiped me out. After that bottle that tastes so good on this hot, hot day I want to go take a nap.

My Little War of the Worlds

My current time-consumer is Destroy All Humans. It's full of cheesy 50s sci-fi, and I get to blow up entire towns. Fun, fun fun. Surprising since I usually only play sports games. When one of the weapons is the "anal probe" you know this game isn't for kids.

Post-Funeral Report

My grandfather's funeral service was nice. Short but nice. We didn't satisfy his 15-minute wish, but some bible readings, a eulogy, and some songs were all fit into about 30 minutes. We then took the ashes to a cemetary about 15 miles outside of Richland Center where the funeral was. That was the area my grandfather grew up. At the grave the ceremony was very, very short. Just a reading of Psalm 23. It took us longer to walk up the steep incline to the grave.

Driving almost six hours in one day can tire a person. I'm in total R&R mode.

Long Few Days

Tonight was my grandfather's visitation. The family is taking his death well. We all knew it was coming and are relieved his suffering is done. My grandmother hasn't broken down, but she admits "there are good times and bad times." After the service tomorrow she'll wonder what to do. She was my grandfather's caregiver. She definitely isn't alone. She's living in the area she grew up in, and her sister who also just lost her husband is there by her side. Heck, there's even little old me.

My Grandfather Had a Sense of Humor

My grandfather's funeral is on Tuesday. He wrote out his funeral preparations before he died. One of the requirements was he only wanted a 15-minute service. That sounds like my grandfather. He wasn't the type to want to drown in sorrow. My grandmother thinks 15 minutes is just a tad short. Since my grandfather knew so many people during his 82-year life it might take more than 15 minutes to get all the people into the church.

Two Approaches

My sister and I are handling my grandfather's death differently. She went to work. I called the bookstore to tell them I wasn't coming in. Nothing would have gotten done, too much inside my head, and I would have been asked all night by my co-workers how I was feeling. My sis is going to help out my grandmother tomorrow. My plans are still in the air. I'm not sure what I can do plus I still don't know what I'm feeling, thus the previous post "uncomfortably numb." It sounds like the funeral will be on Monday.

A time like this calls for comfort food. I've started with a box of Raisinets. Sweet chocolate and chewy raisins remind me of simple, fun times watching movies. It makes me feel good during this tough time.

Uncomfortably Numb

My grandfather passed away last night in his sleep. This wasn't unexpected. He has been going in and out of the hospital for years. His mind always remained sharp; it's just his body that left him down. More later.

Take That, Che. You Too Daniel Ortega

After seeing this t-shirt I immediately plunked down my $15. It will go great with my "Viva La Reagan Revolucion" t-shirt. I'd get some Contra Cafe coffee too, but I wouldn't drink enough to get through a pound before it went bad.

[via Instapundit]

Westmoreland Dies

I'm not sure what's more surprising: that General William Westmoreland was still alive or that someone finally died from my dead pool.

"Vietnam-Era Commander Westmoreland Dies"

Rib Advice

Marcus Aurelius offered up his rib-making method. It's deserving of its own post:

Here is what I have found in trying to make ribs.

1.) Marinade! Go to Third Old World Street to the Asian store across from Usingers. Ask the kindly Filipino gentlmen for "Momma Sita's Barbecue Marinade Mix". We cut our ribs up into pieces about 3 bones per. Soak the ribs in the marinade mix for a night or two. Apply a rub if you want (before the soak).

2.) Before you cook prepare a "mop sauce" to baste the ribs. Usually this is something along the lines of lemon juice (or lime juice), some spices (garlic, salt, black pepper, cayenne etc) and an oil. Search for mop sauce on the I'net and choose an appealing recipe.

3.) Fire up your grill, put the ribs on when ready. Now, this is the trick, you want to barbecue the ribs slowly over indirect fire. I have heard it said if you can keep the cooking temperature under the boiling point and yet bring the ribs up to tempeature you will have very tender ribs. However you may not have that kind of time. Baste the ribs with the mop sauce. If you have smoking material toss that on as directions dictate.

4.) Be sure you have beer on hand. This time of year weiss beer is best! This is for the pit crew!

5.) When the ribs are done, then get out your finish sauce. This is the tomato based sauce. Apply to one side and turn, apply to other side. Make sure to paint both sides and do not leave the painted ribs on the heat for too long. Tomato based and sugary sauces will burn quickly on the grill.

Who says America has no culture!

I didn't get that lavish. I simply put some baby-back ribs in a baking dish, covered them with 1/2 cup of BBQ sauce, wrapped foil over the dish, and baked them in a 350-degree oven for one hour. I then let them cool to room temperature. Next, I fired up my gas grill and grilled the ribs for about 10 minutes while basting them with more bbq sauce. They came out pretty well. They weren't fall-off-the-bone tender and had no smoky flavor (other than from the BBQ sauce), but they were meaty and delicious. My method is based on the technique from Dave Leiberman's recipe. It's no where near authentic BBQ but I have no desire to get a smoker and do it right. I'll leave that to the professionals.

My potato salad turned out well too. I boiled some red potatoes until they were fork tender. In the meantime, I chopped up some green onion, yellow onion, and carrots (no celery was in the fridge) and tossed them with some Miracle Whip, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, dill, salt, and pepper. When the potatoes cooled, I cut them into bite-size pieces and tossed everything together. It turned out well. It just needed some mustard.

Relaxing at TAM HQ

I'm savoring my post-Harry Potter psuedo-vacation. Thus the lack of posts today. Instead, I'm trying my first attempt at bbq ribs and homemade potato salad. It's hot in my neck of the woods, and summer meal like this should hit the spot.

Soaring into the Heavens

Stephen Bainbridge in is Australia and has some pictures of some wonderful cathedrals. Not European greatness but neat nevertheless.

Dennis Pics

Dennis had reached land. Flickr has some pics. Nothing too interesting yet. I don't know why people want to share radar screen shots. Isn't that what the Weather Channel's for?

[via The Command Post]

UPDATE: According to a Mobile, AL official Dennis moved east enough so it won't batter their city. "We've dodged a bullet and we're happy about that."

On the Florida panhandle two people have died. Dennis' winds have come down to (only!) 130 mph making it a Catagory 3 hurricane.

Hurricane Dennis

In a few hours Hurricane Dennis will hit Florida and Alabama. A 'Bama newspaper has a weblog filled with mostly evacuation news, but that should change when the storm hits land. Steve at Hog on Ice talks about pre-storm unpreparedness.

Trying to Change My Pack Rat Habit

I actually did something rare today: I threw some stuff away. Piles of old magazines pile up waiting to be read. Most never do, but I'm never sure so I keep them. That changed today where I saw a little part of my floor and desk for the first time in ages.

Before running off to work (T-minus 7 days until Harry Potter maddness) I give you a couple quick links:

• Peter Glover, a TAM sponsor and Brit, has some posts on yesterday's bombings and political hypocrisy. Just scroll down.

• Caption This! is a whole weblog devoted to writing captions. V the K liked the Summerfest pic I found.
  

My Sympathies

Dan Wismar's mother passed away last week. Let him know you're thinking about him.

I Was Only Joking

NASA is getting sued.

Astrologer, Russian court. Nothing to worry about. Now, if it was Judge Ito and the O.J. Simpson jury...

"Russian Astrologer Sues NASA Over Comet" [via Boots & Sabers]

"Astrologer Sues NASA over Probe" [via Instapundit]

Happy Birthday America

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security...."

Don't Read This

Today is a beautiful day. Many of you have a long weekend that includes July 4th. Take a break from politics and serious thinking. If you're in SE Wisconsin go down to Summerfest. Drink, eat, and laugh at all the people down there wearing theirs they shouldn't be. I'll be a work all night. Then it's three days off for me.

Young at Heart

The calendar says I'm 30, but this silly quiz thinks I'm slightly younger.

I'm even younger than Eric. ;-)

I Missed out on the Free Stuff

Today, Starbucks was giving out free ice cream. I always like ice cream. Free ice cream is even better even if it is Starbucks which isn't so hot.

"Starbucks Offers Free Ice Cream" [via Lakeshore Laments]

Insulting Laotians

Ever need to curse someone in Laotian? Well, here's the sight for you. There's a few hundred more languages where that came from.

Wow It's Hot

It read "97" on one of the thermometers on my way home from work. That's hot. Icky, sticky hot. The heat is bad enough, but what's worse is working in an air conditioned store that's a touch too cold, going out into the tropical heat, then going into a air conditioned house. Those extremes play havoc on the body.

Need Entertainment?

If you want to torture your wedding guests Stephen Bainbridge is offering his services. ;-)

Pimentel Didn't Have the Guts

George Will's career is safe. I received word from the Journal Sentinel that this (not so) humble weblogger won't be a regular contributor to the op-ed page. Add this to missing out on the WISN open audition (they called the number right after me) and the creation of a TAM media empire has taken a few hits lately.

One word of advice: persistence. My pontifications won't be going away.

A Normal-Looking Jury

From my brief look at the Michael Jackson jurists post-trial I don't think they were some braindead morons who would refuse to find a celebrity guilty even if the accused were in possession of some bloody gloves. Eric at Classical Values writes,

A jury that could recognize the distinction between actual guilt and the prosecutorial burden of presumption of innocence might well have been able to perceive that they were supposed to be more than performers in a circus.

Flag Day

Drumwaster reminds me that today is Flag Day. A few flags even flew around the bookstore today.

Holloway Probably Dead

After being missing this long did anyone seriously expect the woman to be alive?

Expect this to be the only TAM post on Natalee Holloway.

"BREAKING- Natalee Holloway - Something Bad has Happened"

TAM Quiet Time

No posts until later today. My mother's uncle died this week, and I have to attend the funeral in Madison. You have no reason to be bored. The Duck Hunt below has plenty of links.

Adding to the Population

Greg Ransom's family has been blessed with another child. Congratulations.

Oh No!

I missed Dounut Day at Krispy Kreme! :-(

I have no excuse. The other Shawn even reminded me.

"Fattening Us up for the Kill"

Out on the Line

Today, I'm going to see if I can rangle up enough guts and technical skill to make a short practice clip for Saturday's open audition for WISN radio.

Another opportunity is being a local columnist for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Due to the plethora of submissions it will be a few more weeks until the paper names their new writers. My chances with the paper are better because: 1.) I've done a lot more writing [five+ years worth on TAM!]; 2.) the paper has upped the number of new writers from 6 to 12. That doubles my still small odds. Wish me luck with both.

Question

How much would a Quran-flushing toilet cost the military? Somebody call the GAO.

"Pentagon Recalls Koran-Flushing Toilet"

I'm not Saying Any More

Bummed because you're 30 and single transcends race. 'Nuff said.

I'm off to watch the Lost season finale.

"Over 30 & Single: A Black Man's Perspective" [via La Shawn Barber]

Two Bits

This is the first instance of a man impersonating a quarter.

Kids Really Like Toys

A kid snaked his way into a vending machine. Southeast Wisconsinites should remember a similar incident last year. When will some politician announce their mission to ban such machines?

"Houdini Babe Takes Toy Initiative" [via Althouse]

"Ward" Speaks

Huffington's Toast is still going strong. How they can keep it up, I don't know. Hey, even "Ward Churchill" is getting into this weblogging thing. Pardon me while I pick myself up off the floor.

"Am I an Indian? Ute be Surprised"

Friday the 13th

My Friday the 13th weirdness at the store involved a loony customer who was doing some unmentionable things in the public restroom with men's magazines. At least there was no full moon.

Not Much to Read Today

Posts will be slim today. After toil away at the store I'm headed to the Brewers-Phillies game.

I will leave you with this story going into the bizzare world of Ted Oswald growing up. You know you've had a screwed up childhood when your own father regularly pointed a gun at your head.

"Oswald's Father Recalls Teaching Son to Duel, Rob"

Not for the Squimish

Animal luvin' on the Alan Colmes Show. Ick! Ick! Ick!

"Maybe Now We Know Why Horse Masturbation Jokes Don’t Fluster the Extreme Right"

Happy Mother's Day

A downside to BlogNashville was I'm not celebrating Mother's Day with my mom. She doesn't make a big deal about the day. For her it's just a time to relax and accept gifts. She put me on no guilt trip for traveling this weekend. I thank her for that as well as an untold amount of things. Along with my dad she made sure I didn't become a crazed serial killer and put me down the path of viture and self-fulfillment. For that I will be forever grateful. Thanks, mom!

Now, I'm off siteseeing.

The Right to Disappear, Cont.

Here's more reader comments on the right to disappear.

Doug writes:

You have every right, as an adult citizen of this United States, to pack up your bags and go wherever you want without leaving any notice to anyone. What the layperson needs to remember is that the police exist to investigate an incident and determine if a crime occurred. In the Wilbanks scenario, the crime was she told NMPD that she was kidnapped, causing alarm. She did not do so in ATL, her groom-to-be did, and with just cause. The PD in ATL does not need to be reimbursed and the court should dismiss any tort the town might file on summary judgment. If not, then every time we as citizens summon the police for a burglar in our home that turns out to be a raccoon, every time our child accidentally dials 911, we will be sent a bill on top of the taxes we already pay to support the perpetual existence of police services.

Laura runs with the idea you can disappear as long as you leave a note:

All the chick had to do was leave a note saying "I need to go away and think". Is that really so hard? She could buy a bus ticket but she couldn't write a note?

Betty is confusing:

As an adult she definitely has the right to disappear. She is either very stupid or very uncaring - because of the lies she told. She needs to pay the cost of this stupidity, not push it onto the already overburdened taxpayers. Charges need to be filed.

If Wilbanks really wanted to disappear she should have done a little reading first.

Re: The Right to Disappear

Only one comment so far on my post on the right to disappear. Matt writes,

Hmm, I think if you just run off and don't tell anyone you should probably be held partially responsible for any subsequent manhunts organized. If you leave some sort of note, you probably shouldn't be held responsible?
I dunno, how do they handle it when people are genuinely missing, who pays for that?

It sort of general procedure to report people missing after they're gone for over a day. It's the job of the police to investigate the possible crime. I think if the media gets wind of it and hypes it up, then it's not really your fault that that happened, and anything that happens because of media frenzy shouldn't be your responsibility.

Jim at Stones Cry Out writes,

But now Jennifer Wilbanks is back, and the Gwinnett County DA is deciding whether or not to charge her with a felony. Oh, please.

First of all, she’s already been punished. Think about it. She rode a Greyhound bus all the way to Las Vegas, and back to Albuquerque. No wonder she was pleading for help.

The only thing Wilbanks did that was illegal was call 911 in Albuquerque and lie about being abducted. She didn’t stick with that story very long, and the police there wisely just put her on a plane home.

It isn’t illegal for an adult to run away from home. She didn’t ask for the police or anyone else to look for her, so don’t sue her for that!

Nobel Competitor

Norwegian physicist and businessman Fred Kavli will establish new science awards with $1 million prizes. Kavli think the Nobel prizes are awarded too long after the winners' discoveries:

"We want to spread the word of science and get more students interested ... In many parts of the world that's a problem, from Norway to the United States," Kavli told Reuters.

"I think we'll be more daring," than the Nobel awards, he said, because they would seek to reward scientific breakthroughs more quickly than the conservative Nobel system.

Guardians of Nobel science prizes, first awarded in 1901, are sometimes criticized for rewarding elderly professors for work long ago even though founder Alfred Nobel once said he wanted to encourage "dreamers" who lacked funding.

The new awards, to be made every second year from 2008, would rival some of the annual $1.4 million Nobel prizes -- for physics, chemistry, medicine, economics, literature and peace -- and other science prizes.

Kavli's plan will be formally unveiled in a ceremony with Norwegian Education Minister Kristin Clemet on Tuesday at the Norwegian Academy of Science and Letters, which will pick laureates with help from experts around the world.

"Norwegian Plans Rivals to Nobel Science Prizes"

The Right to Disappear

Does someone have the right to disappear? Jeff Wagner is asking that question on his radio show today, and I want to ask TAM readers. It has to do with Jennifer Wilbanks, A.K.A. the Runaway Bride. For whatever reason she decided she didn't want to get married and ran off to New Mexico without telling anyone. The problem with Wilbanks was she initially claimed she was kidnapped. So I want to make the situation more abstract. Suppose I wanted to be away from my present life for a few days and run off to Las Vegas without telling anyone. Neither family nor friends know what happened to me so they call the police. Suppose I'm a 22-year old blonde female who's disappearance draws the attention of cable news channels. I decide I had enough of Vegas and come home. Am I responsible for all the fuss made to find me when the whole reason for leaving is to get away? Why?

Suppose I left a brief note saying I want to be left alone so don't try looking for me. Yet a manhunt is organized. Am I still responsible? Why?

Leave your answers in the comments or e-mail me. I'll post the best ones and respond.

Retail Rage

I feel Will Collier's pain about stores asking for info a customer doesn't think they need. But I take exception to this:

As for the business about 'We need the phone number before we can let the merchandise leave the store', no offense to James, but that would have sent yours truly into a frothing gimme-my-damn-money-back-and-who's-the-biggest-boss-I-can-yell-at rage. If I'm paying you for something, don't you ever tell me you're going to hold my privacy hostage before I get what I've already paid for.

Now, let me be clear: Best Buy and places that ask for all that personal info are obnoxious. But instead of screaming avoid them. The stress isn't worth. Projecting such anger onto a low-wage salesman isn't kind either.

My how my view of the economy changed after a few years working retail (Barnes & Noble to be exact). I'm glad I don't have to ask obnoxious questions. You wouldn't believe how little someone's hard is appreciated. Quality goods and low prices are great, but few realize how it gets to be that way.

"Nunya!"

Hayek vs. Hayek

When a bunch of Salma Hayek posts are discovered I always check out the Salma Hayek vs. Friedrich Hayek Scorecard. Playing Frieda Kahlo did get Salma an Oscar nomination, an award which she probably needs to have a shot at overtaking dead man Friedrich. I may be a huge Friedrich fan, but I know who I'd want to see walking along the beach at sunset.

[via Glenn Reynolds]

Jeopardy! Tryout

Read about Kevin's Jeopardy! journey. Then read my attempt to get into the college tournament. Then help me with this clue:

Another (last answer on the test): The first name of this 19th Century Poet was the most popular girl's name in America in the 1990s.

UPDATE: In the comments, Fred tells me it was indeed Emily Dickenson. I read Kevin's post wrong.

Groovin'

The next hot video coming to your computer screen soon will be Jenna Bush getting down at a NYC bar. Too bad we'll miss "Jenna on all fours doing 'the butt dance' — and doing it very well — as guys were ogling her thong." The soon-to-be school teacher will have all sorts of "interesting" stories to tell her students.

"Jenna in Dirty Disco Dance" [via Wizbang]

The Other Red vs. Blue

This hymn must be from an ELCA hymnal. When it comes to hymns we Missouri Synod Lutherans argue (quietly) over which is better: the red hymnal (The Lutheran Hymnal) vs. the blue hymnal (Lutheran Worship). When my family moved to a new town we picked a new church because they used the red hymnal. Unlike those blue hymnal users we actually like hymns we can sing along to. I found one church that uses both.

[via Power Line]

"I'm Not Leaving. I Want a Western Burger"

The police were needed to make sure a cheeseburger was made right. I nominate this woman "Moron of the Year." She's got a good chance of winning, and the year is still young.

Slightly Bored

Here's a strange keyword search that someone found TAM with:

Diana Taurasi (virgin)

Minor Emergency

One of my sister's greyhounds got out of the house--first time this ever happened. To say she was upset is an understatement. The dog's been found and everything's alright.

UPDATE: The pooch is safe and sound.

Cooking

It's been too long since I had sausages. Then I read this recipe. Guess what I'm making right now?

UPDATE: My sausages turned out pretty good. The red peppers and onions were especially sweet. I recommend cooking the sausages in the oven longer than the recommended 6-10 minutes. Unless you're really concerned about presentation cut into one of the links to make sure they're done.

I needed some wine to go with my meal. No Chianti or Italian wines were in my case so I opened a 2002 R.H. Phillips Shiraz. Its claim to fame is it's one of the first screw top wines around. It's not expensive but is satisfying. It's jammy with some spice. Nothing fancy. Solid for its under-$10 price.

My Jeopardy! Journey

Kevin's getting a Jeopardy! tryout. Congrats to him. Once upon a time I tried out for the college tournament. The tryout was in Milwaukee, and I was going to school in Duluth, MN. A six hour trip across the Badger State was in order. It was the first and only time I ever used that carpool board every college has. Remember, a normal person can make the trip in six hours. A long-haired hippy-looking moron packed himself, his girlfriend, another carpooler, and me into a tiny compact hatchback. Instead of taking the four-lane highway that lead to the interstate the moron took a "shortcut." I fell asleep with an uncomfortable feeling this was going to be a long trip. Next thing I know our car is pulled over on the side of the road with a policeman's flashing lights behind us. What the hippy moron did to deserve the attention I don't know. All I know is the officer had trouble comprehending the concept of carpooling. He had all of us get out of the car and show him our IDs. The officer even pulled me aside to explain to him how we all got in the same car. Finally we were sent on our way.

Traveling on two lane roads in northern Wisconsin made the trip last forever. It was two or three in the morning by the time we got to Madison where I then had to call my parents to pick me up. So for my big chance to impress the Jeopady! people I had about two hours of sleep.

Lack of sleep didn't hurt my chances. I did well enough on the paper and pencil test to get to the next round. Five others and I had our picture taken then we practiced using the buzzer. When I got my picture taken I knew my chance to get on the show dropped. Back then I was in my human hairball stage. I was a lazy bum who sported a fuzzy, out-of-control goatee and long hair, not the type who looked great on tv. That was the last I heard from anyone at Jeopardy! The game show's producers did tell us that not getting contacted for the college tournament shouldn't stop us from getting on the show. Since the number of spots for the college tournament are so limited it's easier to get on regular Jeopardy!. So, if I ever get to L.A. I'll have to remember to schedule a tryout.

"I Can Lose on Jeopardy!"

Preparing Teachers

The New York Times (registration required) writes today of the education of teachers.

American colleges and universities do such a poor job of training the nation's future teachers and school administrators that 9 of every 10 principals consider the graduates unprepared for what awaits them in the classroom, a new survey has found.

Nearly half the elementary- and secondary-school principals surveyed said the curriculums at schools of education, whether graduate or undergraduate, lacked academic rigor and were outdated, at times using materials decades older than the children whom teachers are now instructing.

I have to say, that the past 10 years working in the technology field has better prepared me for teaching than the four years earning my degree in teaching mathematics at The University of Minnesota-Duluth. Presentation skills, dealing with people and different learning styles, etc. At UMD, the focus in the education department seemed to be on diversity and psychological and learning theory, and less on the practical application on getting through to kids.

And, with how things are going in the public schools today, I'd never teach in one. Put me in a private school, probably one affliated with with The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod.

Hat Tip: Vox Day

Happy Pi Day

Since Sean is hamming it up in Arizona, and still has allowed me to edit/add entries, I wanted to take a moment to wish all of TAM's readers a Happy Pi Day! Celebrate! We'll be serving Grasshopper Pie from Byerly's for dessert at my home tonight to celebrate the occasion.

Sun. Baseball. Beauty. Reality.

Theoretically net access from my hotel room was supposed to be easy. I'm staying at the same place I did last year because it was easy to log on. This year has been frustrating. I'm not going to go into any detail (it would bore you to death), but I'm having the same problems I had with the wireless network at CPAC last month. Now, I'm at a Starbucks trying to download a new set of drivers. Hopefully, that will work.

Here are some pictures to make you snow-bound TAM readers jealous.

---

As for the real world, I can't add anything to the horrible Brookfield church shooting. The Badger Blog Alliance is doing a good job aggregating local webloggers' coverage.

"'IT'S HUMAN CARNAGE'"

Warm. Sunshine. Baseball.

I'm off to Phoenix to catch some Spring Training Brewers baseball. My hotel has wireless internet so I should be able to keep up on any more Michael Jackson weirdness, hot college basketball action, or other breaking news. I'll also try to get some pics posted to make all of you trapped in winter's grasp extremely jealous of me.

Michael Jackson Late to Court

Michael Jackson's trial just got weird. We just entered O. J. Simpson territory. He didn't show up for court today because he was in the hospital for a bad back. The judge had enough and issued an arrest warrant unless Jackson arrived in court in one hour. Jackson showed up five minutes late looking very pale (which is saying a lot) and in pajamas (was he weblogging?). Now, the judge has to decide if to throw Jackson in jail and have him surrender his $3 million bail.

Hot Protesters

Dean put into words what I've been thinking when reading Glenn Reynolds' democracy protest posts.

The man (Glenn) has great taste.

"Women Who Support Ending Dictatorships Are Hot"

Patting Myself on the Back

Let me tell you I can make a mean spaghetti carbonara. I've had it at an Italian resturant to compare the profession version with mine. I couldn't tell the difference. Much of that is because spaghetti carbonara is a simple dish to make. Just fry some pancetta or bacon, cook some spaghetti, toss it all into a bowl where you combined some beaten eggs and Parmesan cheese, add lots of fresh-ground pepper, and eat. The hot noodles cook the eggs binding everything together. It's simple, yummy, and filling.

I got my recipe from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. It's practically my only cookbook since so many foods and cooking techniques are covered. I highly recommend it.

Get this Man a Job

Triticale got the ax and is job hunting. Help him out if you can.

Should I Care?

Steve Fossett completed his solo flight around the world without refueling. Fine. Good for him. Should I care? Flying around the world without refueling is (literally) so 1986. Then there's Fossett's never-give-up attitude. You know if he would have failed in a few months he would have tried again. Then again, and again, and again until he either died or completed this challenge. So this accomplishment was inevitable. For that I give it a big "Ho hum."

"Fossett Completes Solo Jet Circumnavigation"

Obligatory Namrata Link

I have no reason for linking to this other than Namrata is so damn hot.

Yeah!

Helen Reynolds, the "Instawife," is home. No thanks to paper work. Nothing but best wishes from TAM.

Hospital Safety and Comfort

Glenn Reynolds' wife is doing well in the hospital. That's good news. She's also antsy which is good news too.

Glenn wondered why more thought hasn't been put into making hospitals more comfortable. For a long time people accepted thousands of deaths a year due to "preventable medical errors." A hospital being built near me is trying to fix that by designing each patient room with the exact same layout. That way doctors and nurses know where everything is in each room. That sounds good and may save lives. But hopefully doctors and designers will really look at making hospitals more soothing and relaxing for patients and their families. Let's start sending hospital administrators copies of Virginia Postrel's The Substance of Style.

"A Blueprint for Patient Safety"

Let's Play Dress Up

In a bit of weirdness, the Journal Sentinel offers its readers a paper doll of Josh Groban. What's next, origami patterns for the cars featured at the upcoming auto show?

"Doll Up Josh to Make Him Just Right"

Great News

Captain Ed's wife is in the hospital. Now, normally being in there is not great news--unless you have something against her--but she's getting ready for a pancreas transplant. Keep them in your prayers.

"Hospiblogging, Part 1"

A Laconic Night

My brain's fried. Today wasn't an especially bad day at work, but I'm exhausted. Neither getting my new notebook computer ready for CPAC or Howard Dean, M.D.'s coronation got any energy flowing. Tomorrow, expect something about the Democrats' D-Day as well as a response to this Ann Althouse post.

Good night, all. I'm crashing.

More on SB Commericials

The Anheuser-Busch thank you to the troops was very moving. Great job.

Steven Taylor didn't like the Mustang convertible ad.

Did Miller decide to save their ad dollars? The only Miller Lite ad I saw I think was on the local feed. If they have ran national ads they've been a disaster because I can't recall any of them.

UPDATE: Patrick is one of many webloggers posting on the ads.

The Game's Almost Over

I voted for Deion Branch for Super Bowl MVP. You should too.

Also, I know I have a twisted sense of humor when I found the AmeriQuest "bloody cat" commercial hilarious. But then I think The Sopranos is the best black comedy in television history.

Dancin' Machine

Why you should be wary of roomates with camcorders.

[via Ghost of a Flea]

Vanity

I have even more respect for La Shawn Barber. She puts her vanity right out in front of her readers. It's great to see a new weblog burst on the scene attracting hoards of readers. But what's frustrating is not being in the "big league" of webloggers even after continuously posting for five-plus years. But I just keep on chugging away hoping to someday break through.

"Me, My, Mine, Etc."

P.S. I can't wait to meet La Shawn at CPAC.

iPod as Pheromone

Unlike Glenn Reynolds, I've never had women come up to me when out in public with my iPod. Glenn, I don't think it was your iPod.

Remember the First Mate

Keep Captain Ed and his family in your prayers. Ed's wife just might be getting a new pancreas.

"Need Prayers"

Weird but Yummy

Twinkie sushi. It has no rice, so it's not really sushi, and no raw fish. It looks like sushi, and it just might taste good.

This find gives me an excuse to tell you about my experience eating a deep fried twinkie. I had it at the county fair last summer. Mine was put on a plate and covered with chocolate syrup. I was disappointed. The coating wasn't very crispy. When I bit into it the inside became mushy. The creme filling spread into the cake becoming a creamy, edible sponge.

[via #!/usr/bin/girl]

TT Memories

Ann Althouse is getting an Audi TT Coupe. She's right, it is a beautiful car. My best memory of seeing an Audi TT was in London a few years ago. I was in one of those double-decker buses. It stopped at a red light. What pulled up next to me was a cobalt blue Audit TT convertible with two gorgeous women in it. One a blonde the other a brunette.

At last year's Milwaukee Auto Show, I sat in a TT Coupe. It looked great on the outside, but in the inside it felt like I was sitting in a cave. That was a let down. Even more so since I now know I can get on with an automatic transmission

"The Audi TT Coupe"

Charlie, You Made Me Blush

Thanks to Charlie Sykes for highlighting my deconstruction of today's Journal Sentinel editorial. I would have heard his mention of TAM on his show this morning but I was falling in and out of a sleepy daze all because I worked so hard late last night on that post.

"Clueless"

Hot and Heavy

Thanks to a commenter for pointing out Jenna Bush's wild night at an inaugural ball. I still think that's an ugly dress.

"Jenna Bush, Post-Post-Post-Inauguration"

Ho Hum

Moping was the theme today. I'm still bummed Mother Nature stopped me from traveling to Minnesota today. No TAM presence at the MOB tonight, nor did I visit some friends from college. Since I knew there was a 0% chance of traveling today, last night I finished Tom Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons. I'm a big Wolfe fan, but I have to tell you this is he best novel of them all. I'll try to get a review up before the football games start tomorrow. My prediction on them: I'm going with the home teams--Pittsburgh and Philadelphia both win.

Lost in Translation

Some in Norway didn't get Jenna Bush's hand gesture. They thought it was Satanic.

"Shock greeting from Bush daughter," a headline in the Norwegian Internet newspaper Nettavisen said above a photograph of Bush's daughter Jenna, smiling and showing the sign.

Snowed In

It serves me right planning anything travel related in the Upper Midwest in January. The plan was to west to the Twin Cities, go to the Minnesota weblogger confab, and visit some college friends. Mother Nature had other plans like dumping snow on me with high winds to make travel treacherous. Guess they'll have to do without me. Let's just say I'm not a happy camper.

"Winter Weekend Ahead"

Bush Twins at Inauguration

President Bush's inauguration means more opportunities to see the twins.

Here they are bundled up watching the parade.

Here they are at a ball.

Jenna and Barbara a looking ok. But not as good as the night before at the Black Tie & Boots Ball.

Jenna looks especially nice above, but then we see the whole dress.

Ugh!

And who knew she was a Satanist--or Ozzy Osbourne fan?

UPDATE: At the Black Tie & Boots Ball Jenna was spotted wearing a ring where an engagement ring would be. The First Lady's spokesman quashed a potential rumor. "She's still single," he said. What a relief!

"Jenna's Bling Isn't Engagement Ring"

Webloggers are Breeding

Congrats to Dean and Rosemary.

"He's Here"

*SIGH*

Speaker Tells Kids to Don Clear Heels

This story definitely goes into the "Say what!?!" file:

Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size.

“It’s sick, but it’s true,” Fried said in an interview later. “The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that’s your desire.”

...

Fried spent about a minute answering questions, defining strippers and exotic dancers synonymously. According to Jason Garcia, 14, he told students: “For every 2 inches up there, you should get another $50,000 on your salary.”

"Calif. Schoolers Told Stripping Can be Lucrative" [via Government Bytes]

New Year's Festivities

I just popped open some champagne sparkling wine before it got past my folks' bedtime. Earlier, I made myself a nice, thick ribeye steak. Yum! As you can see I'm posting a little tonight finishing the 2004 TAM Awards. If you want to ring in the New Year with me online send me an e-mail and I'll give you my IM details. Could I be any more boring than Regis Philbin? What I do know is I can't have too much fun tonight. At 10 a.m. tomorrow the Wisconsin Badgers are playing Georgia in the Outback Bowl.

UPDATE: I still haven't decided my weblog award winners. Feel free to bribe persuade me by plunking something into my tip jar to the left.

Post-Christmas Shopping Rant

One would have thought some Christmas cheer would have rubbed off on some people. Unfortunately, the post-Christmas creatures are as rude, condescending, and impatient as the pre-Christmas creatures.

Christmas fell on a Saturday this year. Therefore, today was the first business day after Christmas. Somehow, many shoppers didn't seem to understand that much of what they couldn't get before Christmas was still unavailable. My bookstore just got its first shipment of new stock in, and I can tell you many more will be needed to fill up our store. For example, the new Brett Favre book wasn't available for days going into Christmas because the publisher didn't expect such demand. Just because we're past 12.25 it doesn't mean more copies arrived. No one worked on Christmas. How could they get here? My employees and I are good at what we do, but we can't just wave our hands and make stuff magically appear.

The store is also in a state of semi-chaos. It's going to take time to reorganize sections. Many customers don't seem to realize that employees can either wait on a customer or put the store back into some semblance of order. We can't do both.

Don't Tell PETA

But I think Stephen Bainbridge is admitting to animal abuse.

"Reindogs of Christmas"

Merry Christmas

I wish all of you a great, splended Christmas. Enjoy your gifts and enjoy the company you're keeping. Stay safe and remember the reason for the season.

Eight Hours to Go

One more shift and it's Christmas for me. Because of the lame NFL decision to schedule the Packers-Vikings game in the middle of the afternoon on Christmas Eve I expect a rush until the 2:00 kickoff time. 10+ will be waiting for our doors to open at 8:00 a.m. Once the game starts it will die down with the few non-football fans and truly desparate shoppers left.

This will be a wild day in that desparate people will buy anything we put in front of them. Some book we haven't moved all season could vanish in a matter of hours. The really hot item will be gift cards.

If this Christmas Eve is like the others I've worked, when my store closes at 6:00 we'll be kicking out 50-100 customers. Some will even grumble that we should be open later and even on Christmas Day. All the employees will try to make the store look somewhat decent quickly. No one will want to be there any longer than we have to.

Some may think that with Christmas here retailers can catch their breath. Not so. We'll be busy until kids finish their Christmas vacations. Even then, people will be returning stuff and spending their gift cards. To use a football analogy, we're almost to the end of the third quarter.

"Retailers Brace for Last-Day Blitz"

TAM's Terrific Treats #16

Here is your last bit of gift-giving advice for the toughest people on your list. If by some chance you failed to plan properly, were just plain lazy, or went out on a really wild drinking binge, you will wake up tomorrow, Christmas Eve, realizing you still need to buy gifts. If the malls and stores have closed by the time of your "epiphany" your last resort is Walgreens. Don't fret. Hope is not lost. For you can get a big, floppy dog. Or you could force your recipient to dig out his VHS player to watch the new movie you bought him. There is also a foot spa for that person you know walked the miles at the malls to get you something. And if all else fails, buy everyone a Whitman's Sampler.

[Added to Wizbang's "The 10 Spot - Christmas Eve Eve Edition."]

A Paris-Free Zone

Lloyd Grove has created a Paris-free zone. Will Kevin Aylward follow? I doubt it.

"Paris Hilton Banned"

Homemaker Steve

Steve of Norway is doing his best Martha Stewart impersonation--just without the prison guards. Two things: 1. Chocolate chip cookies are great, but do they qualify as "Christmas cookies?" 2. Who's this "someone?" We want details.

"Cookie Blogging"

TAM's Terrific Treats #15

We're almost near the end of these Christmas gift suggestions.

For a gift that keeps on giving try a [Blank] of the Month Club. Now, you could be boring and sign someone up for a Book of the Month or Wine of the Month, but how about these unique subscriptions:

• Magic Trick of the Month Club

• Mineral of the Month Club

• NOFX 7" of the Month Club

• Sock of the Month Club (you have to knit them yourself)

• Potato Chip of the Month Club

• Peanut-Butter-And-Jelly-Of-The-Month Club
  

One Week Later

In hawking his book Eugene Volokh writes,

And remember, some people appreciate New Year's gifts as well as Christmas gifts. (I'm not making this up, that's indeed the way we always did it in my family.) And some people appreciate gifts on any day.

What I Don't Want for Christmas

Hummer for Men. I mean the cologne, not something you pay a cheap whore to give you.

TAM's Terrific Treats #14

You may have a hard core Red Stater on your Christmas list. This person may be so hard core they think President Bush is a wimp for not nuking Fallujah. They may also be the type who thinks you're not a "real" American if you didn't see The Passion of the Christ. For a person like this only one talking head will do: Ann Coulter. Say what you want about her she dishes out the bromides as well as anyone. She's even some-what attractive--though that's fading fast.

Any Ann Coulter fan needs this new DVD Is It True What They Say About Ann? It's 40 minutes of Ann yapping, pontificating, and harping on Lefities.

The DVD won't arrive by Christmas, but don't let that stop you. Just print out this web page, put it in an envelope, and put it under the tree. The anticipation of Ann on their television screen will give them a giddy feeling inside.

[Added to OTB's Beltway Traffic Jam.]

Christmas Progress Report

The turducken is in the fridge. The wine is in the cooler. All important people have been covered in the gift department--that could change since I'll be out shopping again tomorrow. All I have to do is wrap gifts. It's been a stupid tradition for me to wrap presents just before they were opened, but I'm closing the bookstore Christmas Eve. I'll want to get home and start celebrating.

TAM's Terrific Treats #13

This Terrific Treat is slightly extreme in that it transforms a part of the house. But for a die-hard Green Bay Packers fan how could they not like a room carpeted in green and gold?

Logistically you can't get it installed by Christmas, but some pictures of what it will look like will make them drool. Just ignore this dork.

TAM's Terrific Treats #12

Here's something for the fisherman or Simpsons fan on your Christmas list.

TAM's Terrific Treats #11

We're knee-deep into the last shopping weekend before Christmas. Empty store shelves are what remains from shoppers' craziness. I'm sure many of your first, second, third, ... eighth choices can't be found. With grouchiness and frustration setting in what do you give to someone? Two words: bobble heads.

This Andre the Giant bobble head won't remind you of his quaint role in The Princess Bride, but it's made from "heavy ceramic-type resin."

I saved the best for last. Say you have a religious or history buff on your list. You'd like to choose a book, but you're sure their collection rivals that some some small universities. If you're in such straights I sugest a Martin Luther bobble head.

My Christmas Has Begun

My Christmas celebrating started today with my mom's side of the family. We all gathered in southwest Wisconsin for our annual weekend before Christmas bash. The new and the old were there. This was a newborn second cousin's first Cooper gathering and my grandfather's umpteenth. My grandfather has been through a lot of medical problems recently. He's weak, but his mind is still sharp, and he enjoyed the party. The family was loud, and boisterous. We always tell newcomers to the family not to mind our "debates." We may yell and scream to get our point across, but we always leave happy.

TAM's Terrific Treats #10

Are you almost finished with your shopping but need just a little something extra? There's always the SpongeBob SquarePants Square Pants Shower Radio. Imagine the look on the recipient's face every morning waking up to this:

That's the Spirit

Jed at Boots & Sabers found a unique gift of his own. I'm hijacking it and calling it TAM's Terrific Treats #9 1/2.

"Christmas Present For Dad"

Christmas Shopping Blues

A few days ago I posted a screed about working retail during Christmas. Michele has a rant from the other side of the cash register.

"In a Bad State of Humbug"

TAM's Terrific Treats #9

You may have seen a commerical or full-blown infomercial for The Sharper Image's Ionic Breeze Air Purifier. But did you know you can also get a personal version that looks like the ugliest MP3 player ever designed? This would be perfect for the person on your Christmas list most like Howard Hughes.

TAM's Terrific Treats #8

When you're stumped for a gift remember there's always food. Now, you could get that person a Hickory Farms gift basket. BORING! Instead, how about chocolate ant candy? What about a candy covered scorpion? Maybe a Cricket Lick-It Lollipop. If you do choose one of these you better also include this.

Hot for Teacher

Oh to be a poor, inner-city, Washington, D.C. child who's parents were wise enough to get me into Elsie Whitlow Stokes Community Freedom Public Charter School. You have to think memorization is a high priority there with a name as long as that.

And since Mitch Berg asked:

• Geography lessons will include where "Panama" and "Cabo Wabo" are on a map--plus she'll bring in Grandpa as a guest speaker.

• She will have to avoid mentioning "Judgement Day" since Elsie Whitlow Stokes Community Freedom Public Charter School *whew* is a public school.

• She must make sure not to let her students give her the "Runaround" for why their homework isn't done.

• When Joey turns in a very short book report, Ms. Bush will offer this retort: "Not Enough." When he protests she'll reply, "Right Now."

• For phy ed she'll let them "Jump" as high as they can go. Maybe they'll reach the "Top of the World." (Hopefully no fadish cup stacking in that class.)

• When someone complains about too much homework, Ms. Bush can simply reply, "Finish What Ya Started."

• For science class volcanoes can be the topic, and she'll describe what causes an "Eruption."

• When "Jamie's Cryin'" because she's not like the other kids, Ms. Bush can comfort her by reasuring her she's a "Humans Being" just like everyone else.

• On the weekends, Jenna will be "Unchained" from the stress of a classroom of kids. She'll let loose (which we all know she can do) and "Dance the Night Away" because it "Feels So Good." Let's hope she doesn't start "Runnin' with the Devil."
  

"Jenna Bush Reportedly Eyes Teaching Job"

Holiday "Needs"

Glenn Reynolds found one possible Christmas gift that won't make TAM's Terrific Treats.

TAM's Terrific Treats #7

The number 7 may be lucky, but the recipient of this terrific treat may not feel that way.

They'll be astounded that such an item exists and that someone thought a money-making opportunity was at hand by packaging it and selling it.

You not only can get owl puke on Amazon, but most Barnes & Nobles should have it in stock.

Distracted

I should have warned you ahead of time that posting would be slow to nonexistent tonight. The extended edition of Return of the King came out today, and I made chicken curry. Rachel Ray is not just the sexiest person on Food Network, but her recipes are easy and tasty.

Hooray! Someone Who Understands

Milwaukee radio personality Michael Knight (obviously not his real name) has one Christmas pet peeve I take to heart:

Seven. When I see other people being rude to the sales clerks.

"Get Your Grinch on"

TAM's Terrific Treats #6

Kitch is good. Thus someone on your Christmas list would love a velvet painting of Jesus and Elvis.

TAM's Terrific Treats #5

Here's another #5 for you. For those who reminisce about some of the goofier things about the 80s I found this:

TAM's Terrific Treats #4

TTT #1 was for those who were/are bummed about the election. Tonight's Terrific Treat is for the happy folks. Measure up to President Bush with a lifesize cardboard standup. It's 5'11" of pure politician. Sorry ladies, he isn't in his flight suit.

Scrooge Might Have Had a Point

90% of the people I encounter on a daily basis are idiots. I haven't recently come to that conclusion. It's taken me years of working in retail to get to figure that out. It's especially noticeable at Christmas.

Here are some hum-dingers I had to deal with today:

1. The "gentleman" (and I'm being very liberal with that word) who decided to interrupt me helping another customer. The person I was helping was standing right next to me so there shouldn't have been any confusion by the rude dude. Then after I told the "gentleman" that I would help him after I was done with my current focus he got all huffy appearing like I was the one who was rude to him.

2. The idea of an audiobook isn't complicated. Instead of reading the book someone is recorded reading the book and you listen to it. For some this is an amazing innovation.

3. It amazes me when a customer gives me no title, no author, hardly anything about the book then gets upset that I couldn't help him. And no, saying you heard about it on the radio a few weeks ago doesn't help either.

4. It also amazes me when a customer gives you enough information to find the book only to be told that that isn't what she wanted.

5. To the barbarians who can't treat a public restroom with respect, I hope you all soil you pants. If you decide that being filthy is your calling mess up your own bathroom.
   

I'm going to make an assumption. I feel pretty safe about it because of all the years I've worked in retail and with many different co-workers. You may notice and like that smiling face helping you compensate for your inability to be organized, mildly helpful, and considerate. But behind the facade is contempt for how much of an idiot you are. To you morons we wonder how America will continue to be the world's sole superpower. We wonder if the nation's collective I.Q. goes down with each new child you bring into the world. Stupid people shouldn't breed, and we could certainly like to have easy access to enough x-rays to fix the problem.

Other than that I'm having a great Christmas shopping season.

TAM's Terrific Treats #3

The iPod looks to be the gift for Christmas. It's on every buying guide list I read, and according to the San Francisco Chronicle "analysts are predicting sales of 4 million more units in the last three months of this year." That will almost double total iPod ownership.

A neat quality to the music player is all the stuff you can buy for it. It's almost a customizable as the music you play on it. There's the FM transmitter, the car holder, the stereo connector, the voice recorder, and a host of other gizmos for your gizmo. If you don't like the sleek whiteness of the iPod you can change that too. There are iSkins in all sorts of colors (some even glow in the dark), more organic leather cases, or you can be completely idiosyncratic and make your own iPod coverings.

What I found is perfect for those iPod users who have to deal with the cold and snow. During a winter in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Illinois, or New York you bundle up to stay warm. Sure your iPod produces heat while running, but don't you think it wants to stay warm too? Well, here's something to fix that: the iPod hoodie.

TAM's Terrific Treats #2

Music is a good fall back for that tough-to-buy-for person on your Christmas list. You could play it safe and get the latest albums by U2, Norah Jones, or the Nirvana box set. But come on! If that special someone is giving you gift-giving troubles, get him something that will remind them to put together a wish list ahead of time next year. Here are some unforgetable TAM Christmas picks:

• With Zamfir you know romance is in the air. The soothing sounds of his pan flute will either get you some nookie or put you to sleep.

• Other than "Tiny Bubbles" I bet you can't name a single Don Ho song. Actually, I'd be impressed if you heard of Don Ho without ever seeing those Brady Bunch episodes set in Hawaii. The crooner has himself a greatest hits collection. If you give this, tack on some tiki soap to keep with the theme.

• For the metalhead-turned-country-lover (or country-lover-turned-metalhead) there's Fade to Bluegrass: Tribute to Metallica.

• If you need something more hardcore, there's Lounge Against the Machine.

• Need something for a Scrooge? Then there's Denis Leary's Merry F'n Xmas.

• For the nature lover, I recommend an entire CD filled with frog sounds.

• How about three disks of pro wrestler intro music?

• When all else fails there's Kenny G. The best part is he has a new album out.
  

Remember, I'm just here to help.

P.S. Anything by William Shatner or Leonard Nimoy would have been too easy. I wanted to dig a little deeper into musical weirdness.

TAM's Terrific Treats #1

Christmas shopping is hard. Getting into the car, driving to the best sales, searching for a decent parking spot, and battling the oodles of other shoppers taxes even the most hard-core shoppers. Even more difficult is finding the right gift for that hard-to-shop-for person on your list. You know who they are: Cousin Pete who seems to only work at the golf course and tinker with his truck. Do you really want to buy him a case of motor oil? There's you Aunt Angela who watches reality shows and is happy wearing Green Bay Packers sweatshirts. A cashmere sweater probably won't get much use from her. Then there's your nephew Matt who lives, sleeps, eats, and drinks Star Wars. You mention Star Trek to him, and he just rolls his eyes. But since his collection is so vast you don't know what he doesn't have--neither does he.

Here's where TAM comes in. For the next few days I'll be offering up some unique items I'm sure your most difficult gift-getters don't even know exist. These things may be tacky, weird, or just plain goofy, but they certainly won't be your run-of-the-mill gifts.

So, let's get started with TAM's Terrific Treat #1

I found a gift that should satisfy the Blue State political geek on your list. It's the Jesusland, USA t-shirt. Not only does it rip Bush voters ("average I.Q.: 70"), but it's made of "luxuriously soft" cotton. While I wouldn't recommend wearing it to a NASCAR event you shouldn't worry because what true blue Blue Stater goes to those anyway?

Dead Pool 2005

Laurence is running a dead pool again. I missed out last year, but will jump in with both feet, hopefull while not performing a bellyflop.

Meow, Bow-Wow

Kevin's post on a pet law in Utah reminds me of my favorite movie line of all time:*

Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!

UPDATE: I'm surprised--no, shocked--no one's guessed the quote. Maybe since I'm not a movie geek it's not enough of a challenge to be worth the effort.

*It's true it's one of the few movie lines I can remember, but we'll just let that little detail pass.

Christmas Shopping Update

Black Friday went well, too well. I expect today to be busier at my mall-based Barnes & Noble. Since lots of stores had early-bird specials yesterday I'm guessing many customers went there instead of stores like mine that don't need gimmicks--just lots of copies of the new Brett Favre book. I expect to get slammed today. I offer you shoppers another piece of advice: if you're in search of a book, get as much information as you can about it. Just telling me it's blue and had to do with horses doesn't work. You'd be amazed at the strange looks I get when I ask them for more information. With thousands of books coming out every year I'm not necessarily going to know the one you want. But at least you're not saving these vague questions until the last days before Christmas.

At least vandals didn't glue the locks to my store.

"Vandals Glue Store Locks on 'Black Friday'"

Glenn Reynolds Gives Us the Bird

See for yourself.

Some Good, Some Bad

One reason I'm thankful is the lovely Bush twins are one year older, making me feel less squimish for my infatuation.

"Bush Twins Turn 23 on Thanksgiving"

---

What I'm not thankful for is the hordes I'll be dealing with at the bookstore today. Here's a piece of advice to those brave souls shopping on Black Friday: everyone else is shopping today so be patient. Getting angry at employees or other customers won't help anyone.

"The Price is Right"

"Retailers Usher in the Holiday Season"

Have a Great Thanksgiving

I wish all of you a bountiful, pleasant Thanksgiving. Eat, drink, be merry, and be thankful for all that we have been blessed with. I leave you with this story of a nation remembering her soldiers during the holiday and some details about the sleep-inducing tryptophan. One could skip the turkey and still be sleepy after gorging.

"Giving Thanks in Wartime"

Grandpa, Tea, or Milk?

From the Read the Package Closely Department:

The instant coffee a group of friends drank as they tried to sober up after a night out on the tiles tasted a bit odd.
Soon after, they found out why - when one of their companions told them: "That was no coffee - that was my grandfather's ashes."

The students had been staying at a country cottage in the Czech Republic when they made the grave error. They had assumed a tin full of grainy substance on the mantelpiece at Jakub Havlat's cottage in the Czech Republic was coffee.

Only when Havlat returned to the room to discover his grandfather's ashes urn was empty, did the students realise what they had done.
One of the men who drank the ashes, told a Czech newspaper: "We grabbed the first tin we found, put what we thought was coffee in mugs and poured hot water over it.

Imbibing at the Dinner Table

I asked Stephen Bainbridge for a wine recommendation for Thanksgiving, and he delivered. I'll be on the hunt later today.

"Wine for Thanksgiving: Principles and Recommendations"

Out of the Mouth of a Killer

If TAM were to do a list of "most despicable people" O.J. Simpson earned his way onto it with his comments.

"The Ultimate Denigration"

Black Friday

If you're one of those nuts who relishes the idea of taking on thousands of your fellow citizens to snatch bargains the day after Thanksgiving I have a website for your.

As for me, I'll be one of those nuts who'll be waiting on those shopping nuts in the bookstore.

Now All I Need is a Stadium

For a starting bid of $10,000 you too can have the Jumbotron from Iowa's Kinnick Stadium. Just don't tell Mark.

[via Gadgetopia]

Hug a Veteran

The eleventh day of the eleventh month is reserved (no pun intended) for veterans. Ceremonies are held and speeches are made. Only one family member of mine fought in a war, and he has never had any desire to talk about his experience. I did find out this evening someone from my high school class in in Iraq now, but I haven't seen him in ten years.

If you're a veteran reading this, I want to thank you for helping to keep this great nation safe.

I leave you with this story about how American improvisation saved one soldier's life.

"A Vet Story"

Can't Relate

The blogosphere is egalitarian in that anyone can start publishing. It's the quality of ideas that count not the writer's background. Eventually, the physical world creeps in and you notice some webloggers are on different rungs of society's ladder. If I were looking for a car none of Ann Althouse's choices would be on my list. But I merely hawk books instead of shaping the minds of future lawyers.

"Should I Buy a New Car?"

"Althouse's No Brainer"

#4 Sighting

As a completely non-election aside, check out (I assume) Michele's daughter. The costume isn't scary, but anyone wearing a Brett Favre jersey outside of Wisconsin is cool in my book.

"There's Got to be a Morning After"

I Am Sick

Yesterday, I wondered if I was coming down with something. This morning I woke up with a sore throat and an upset stomach. Some bug got me combined with a case of mild food poisoning.

Pols in the Patch

I'll stick with my Bush bear, thank you.

"Bush, Kerry found in a Cabbage Patch" [via Betsy's Page]

Am I Sick?

It's been almost two days and I've hardly eaten anything. Only a brownie and a couple small sandwiches have been consumed. Yet I haven't been hungry. I'm usually a habitual grazer munching on this or that throughout the day. Other than a twinge in my throat, I feel fine. Should I be expecting to call in sick soon? I hope not.

Let's Play Psychic

Erick wonders what I think Jenna Bush is thinking. Easy answer: "I wonder what Sean's writing at TAM?"

Where's the Good Stuff?

My miserable early season fantasy football performance (not as bad as my Packers) has distracted me from commenting on the stories of the moment. Be patient. I'll be back to normal soon.

Question to the Audience

Does anyone have a theory on why someone or some thing is constantly doing searches for "pathogen," "anthrax," "Smith," and "sheep goat pox" in the TAM search form in the left-hand column? I can't imagine it being some type of spamming technique. Could it be an attempt to tie up the server, a DOS attack?

More Congrats

Jay and Deb are new parents.

"Sadie!"

Happy Birthday to Me

Today's been a lazy day at TAM Central. No, it's not a Packers-induced depression. Today's my birthday and I've been relaxing and taking it easy. If my partner-in-crime, the "other" Shawn wasn't knee-deep in a new job you might have more interesting items to read.

This is one of those milestone birthdays (I'll let you guess), but I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't feel any different. The world continues to turn and with me on it. I'm at an age where my life might have been quite different if I were born only a generation earlier. By the time my parents got to my age they had two young kids. Me, I'm not even seeing anyone to have kids with. I'm swimming in the Internet Age while my parents only had three channels of television. I'm not complaining. We all made choices, and I made mine.

Birthdays usually mean presents, and I guess I was a good enough boy to get some. From my sister came a gift fitting for the season and my political junkiness.

My parents have helped me with my recent fascination with wine. Last Christmas, I received a case of the vinous beverage. Today, I got something to store it in.

I think the professor would be pleased. (No, not that one.)

If you're in the giving mood there's my Amazon wish list. Even better, add TAM to your blogroll and bug Glenn Reynolds about doing the same.

Fallacies Galore

Courtesy of the Adam Smith Institute.

Logical Fallacies

This Means War

The new $50 might be a French conspiracy.

"This Time the Treasury has Gone Too Far"

A Knock Against the Twins

A little bit of my heart broke when I read these words from Barbara and Jenna:

We were excited to get to Minnesota—not only is there a HUGE effort to re-elect our Dad in this state, but it is also the home of the Vikings. We are both new Viking fans because one of our friends from Texas is the long snapper for the team.

*Sniff* *Sniff*

I'll get over it, but it might require a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

Oddities

What should we make of a Guiness commercial prominently proclaiming the number of calories (125) in a bottle of their beer? "BRILLIANT!?!" I don't think so. At least they didn't declare the stuff low-carb.

---

Lost has piqued my curiosity. I don't know if it's an adventure show, a disaster flick shrunk for a smaller screen, a Jurassic Park-like sci-fi series, or some bizarre Twilight Zone program. There were moments of terror, suspence, but also introspection. It looks like the only show I'll be watching until 24 returns.

---

A business recently closed in Madison. The Scoop ended it's three-year run as a source for ice cream and legal advice. How did they last that long?

Cybill is Sexy No More

This is what happens when age catches up with you, and you don't let a hair and make-up person do their thing.

She was on the July/August cover of AARP Magazine.

I thought she looked like Rosemary Clooney. Cybill still looks like a Rosemary Clooney, a dead Rosemary Clooney.

Help Out NR

National Review was the subject of a frivolous lawsuit (no wonder they don't like John Edwards) and needs help with the legal fees.

[via Instapundit]

What Marketing Genius Thought of This?

When you're looking for a personal injury lawyer, you want someone who will fight for you. No one wants a namby-pamby lawyer who will get rolled over. But this is over the top.

I hope you didn't fall for this like I almost did. The trailer trash shouting glee at owning her own double-wide is what raised my eyebrow. Oh, the power of radio, and this really was a bit of marketing genius.

Ivan on the Warpath

Hurricane Ivan just missed Jamaica but still delivered a wallup. Winds were up to 155 mph. What adds to Jamaican's misery are the heartless thugs looting homes and stores.

I bring this up, not because I've suddenly become a weather geek, but because Oliver Willis' mother lives near Montego Bay. He hasn't heard from her is some hours. Keep her, Oliver, and those affected in your prayers.

To try and lighten up this post I'll give you this piece of weirdness: my maternal grandparents are named Ivan and Frances. So what the heck did Florida and the Carribean do to tick them off?

"Hurricane Ivan"

"With 56 Dead, Ivan Intensifies Off Jamaica"

UPDATE: Good news. Oliver's mother is okay. Now where's that weather-controlling machine Tesla supposedly invented? We could use it right about now.

Ken Jennings News

Even though this will spread like wildfire I'll keep this below the fold for those of you who don't like spoilers.

Jeopardy! uber-champion Ken Jennings finally lost. His streak ran to 74 wins and $2.5 million in winnings. Even with the news known, I predict the day of Jennings' last game will be the highest-rated episode in Jeopardy!'s history. I just want to know who beat him and how.

"Has Ken Jennings' Jeopardy! Run Ended?"

"Some Ken Jennings News" [via Wizbang]

Still a Slow News Day

Give yourself a chance at winning $100,000, because tomorrow all the talk will be about President Bush's national guard service.

VOTE or NOT?

To Boldly Go To St. Cloud

Also from the StarTribune today: A professor at St Cloud State University (and not our friend King Banaian of SCSU Scholars) once was Ensign Riley.

Who knew?

King, you have to bring Dr. Hyde to Keegans sometime, to reprise his rendition of "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen."

Two Requests

1. Can the Weekly Standard guys running the sub Standard move off BlogSpot? They just look cheap.

2. Since Chris Matthews said, "We are going to keep things clean on this show. No irresponsible comments are going to be made on the show." TAM readers should help me find any previously "irresponsible comments" to help Chris "keep things clean."
   

Lots of Good News

Who knows if I'll get any posting done since after work I'll be going to a Metallica concert. Here are some all-around feel good news items to satisfy your TAM cravings:

• Olympic champion, Paul Hamm is a busy man, but in a very, very good way.
  

• Carly Patterson makes it a gold-medal sweep in the gynmastics all-around for the U.S. She becomes only the second American to claim that prize. On the downside, she had to shine after Paul Hamm's now-legendary performance, and she had to do it before a half-filled arena.
  

• Good news for President Bush. Wisconsin's unemployment rate fell below 5%.
  

What If

What if I (and a few other webloggers) all went to high school in 1965? The Commissar "dug" up a yearbook to reminisce.

I'll never forget that time Kevin and I made Oliver laugh so hard he.... Wait! That never happened. Looks like I picked a bad day to quit Krispy Kremes.

"Blogville 1965 High School Yearbook"

Frozen Original Kreme

Sean, Had your Frozen Original Kreme yet?

To Jewish TAM Readers

Soccer Dad had discovered W Ketchup is Kosher. I'm still sticking with Heinz.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For...

Guinness Ice Cream.

Courtesy Michelle.

Results posted in a day or two.

Hate Crime Laws

Yesterday, I commented on a story about some crosses that were destroyed in front of a church. I wondered aloud if the perp, if caught, would be charged with a "hate crime."

In the comment section, Matt commented that he is against hate crimes:

I'm kind of against hate crimes anyway, I think most violent crimes are crimes of hate of some sort or another, hate crimes set a precident of thought crime: If there is a seperate/more severe punishment for being racist or prejudiced while commiting a crime then it follows that racism or prejudice by itself is a crime. But being racist or prejudiced is protected by the first amendment.

He's right. And while many of my friends know that I feel the same way, I forget that I haven't written here long enough for the readers here to know how I feel, and that in my pithy comments you would all suddenly say "Oh, Shawn is against hate crimes."

I pretty much come down where Matt is. If someone kills me, they have killed me. Punishing them additionally for their bias against my faith/sexuality/race/etc. doesn't do anything to bring me back, or make my survivors feel any better about me being dead.

We're all human beings. All crimes against us are because of hate or greed or jealousy or some other thing. Why make any other crime less severe because the victim and perp are both of the same race/sexuality/religion?

All Finished

Michele's been "patiently" waiting for me to finish my draft. Drumroll please...

While hunting for the last remaining Krispy Kreme doughnut to go with his waffles and ketchup, Sandy Berger, wandering the house without pants or socks (what a horrible mental picture) and dreaming about his next job (part of it involving asking customers if they would like fries with that), gave up, turned on the television, and consumed waffles of another sort: a John Kerry speech.

Good enough for you, Michele?

This has been added to Jeff's little collection.

I'm Working on It

Michele inspired me. The first draft is done.

Godspeed

Mort Kondracke's wife, Milly died of Parkinson's Disease. His ode to her is contained in Saving Milly. Wish their family the best.

"Condolences"

Speaking Of Multiple Choice...

When I got laid off at the end of April, I became a "Dislocated Worker" because my position at my company was "permanently eliminated." And, being a DW provides for the me to get some training to update my skills or change careers.

But, before the money is available, I have to take some tests and evaluation to see what jobs I value or that interest me.

Today I took the "Interest Inventory" to see what jobs would interest me. The test is the "fill in the bubble with a Number 2 pencil" test. My choices are:
(L)ike Very Much
(l)ike moderately
(d)islike moderately
(D)islike Very Much

Some of the job "choices" that I had to rate:

Study the long term effects of air pollution. "D".

Direct an international import-export company. "D". But, then I thought, hey, don't spies always work for "import-export companies"? Great front. But the answer is still "D" because I don't think they let me use my imagination on this test.

Operate a cookie factory. "d". I'm not into that day-to-day operate a factory, and do budgets and hire/fire and deal with all that. But, hey, it's cookies and so because I figured I'd get some free cookies it was only "d" instead of "D."

Pilot the course of a ship. "L". Especially the Starship Enterprise. It's five year mission...

Put into action plans to reduce government spending. "L". I'd answer "L" three times for that question if I could.

Design the living areas of a space or underwater experimental station. "L" I've seen "Aliens" about 30 times, I got some great ideas for improved security.

Check food products for freshness. "D". Well, maybe when I was a bachelor it would have been "D". We do better now. Especially The Beer Fridge. That stuff never goes bad.

168 questions. I hope they figure out that I like my job with computers and doing pre-sales work and/or training.

If You Build It...

The Twin Cities Light Rail Line is not even a month old yet. Yesterday, for the first time, train service was disrupted when a truck turned on a Minneapolis city street over the train tracks.

Service was delayed on the new Hiawatha Light Rail line for about two hours on Monday after a truck hit a pole in downtown Minneapolis around 12:18 p.m.

The semitrailer truck, carrying a load of cherries, temporarily blocked one of the tracks near the intersection of Hennepin Avenue and Fifth Street South, said Bob Gibbons, Metro Transit spokesman.

He hit the pole about 12:18 p.m.? Or pretty much right on the money at 12:18 p.m. (I know, the dispatcher recieved a call at 12:18 p.m. first reporting the incident. But do they have to be so precise?

The light pole the driver hit carries a sign that reads, "Do Not Turn on To Tracks.''

Bwah hahahahaha. Those signs will stop everyone. Maybe a better idea would have been to elevate the tracks instead of having them be at street level. KSTP Eywitness News 5 reported earlier in the month about people just wandering across the tracks, or in some cases, people driving right down the tracks.

This is just the first incident of many.

Also, in LRT news, the train is holding up traffic.

Despite previous optimism for a solution to traffic problems caused by the Hiawatha Light Rail line, Minneapolis engineers say they've exhausted most of their options.

The city is waiting for experts from the Federal Highway Administration to check over the system for possible changes. City traffic engineer Dallas Hildebrand says if they're not able to offer a solution, the city could look into downgrading the priority given to the trains when they go through intersections.

Metro Transit officials say making the trains stop at intersections would violate an agreement with the federal government requiring stops every seven and a half minutes.

Since the light rail trains started running, lines of cars stretch as many as four blocks waiting to get through intersections.

Granted, we're only in the first month of service and some glitches are to be expected. What makes me laugh is the whole "traffic will be eased by the light rail" argument the proponents made as we awaited the arrival of The Train.

Twins Exposed

The Kerry Sisters vs. the Bush Twins post still has momentum. Yesterday, it moved passed the sex weblogs and to the sex-obsessed Wonkette.

Now, with the release of these awesome pictures in the latest Vogue it's a slam dunk victory for the twins.

"Bush Twins Take to Campaigning"

Twin Sighting

Barbara is on the campaign trail with her father in the Midwest. Also, Vogue has an interview and spread with the twins in their next issue.

"Bush Twins Break Silence About Campaign, Parties" [via Drudge]

"Bush Daughters Barbara and Jenna Enter the Spotlight with Campaigning, Interview"

Live with Cam

If everything goes well, I'll be on Cam & Company at 3:00 CDT today.

A Pro-American Fourth

I hope you all had a good, relaxing 4th. Stay safe, and God bless America.

Good Taste on a Bad Product

Laurence hates C2. I only needed a sip to discover this product is worthless. C2's slogan should be, "C2: 1/2 the carbs, 1/2 the flavor, 1/2 the metal-eating power."

And isn't C2 something that's just 1/2 the strength of C4? We better not let the Islamists find out. They'll take advantage of the all the huge discounts you know stores will do to get rid of all that stuff.

Just Can't Do It

I can't promote a National Kissing Day for the U.S. It would only irritate/depress me like Valentine's Day does.

"Countdown to International Kissing Day" [via Instapundit]

Quick Notes

1. Steven Taylor is helping with a book drive to fill Baghdad University's library.
   

2. For insight into today's Supreme Court rulings there's no better place to start than The Volokh Conspiracy. Especially note Eugene's scary hypothetical.
   

3. Thanks to Mitch Berg for adding TAM to his blogroll. I think Shawn had something to do with it.
   

Still on Vacation

Like me, Pierre Bernard has too much time on his hands. Therefore he watches too much Robotech. I'm right in the middle of watching the Macross Saga that came in the mail while I was away.

"Open Letter to Late Night with Conan O'Brien"

Hola!

[The picture above proves I'm neither Babe Winkleman nor U2's Bono. You may begin cracking jokes now.]

The #1 Movie at the Box Office

From it's creator April 14th, 2004:

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or "terrorists" or "The Enemy." They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win. Get it, Mr. Bush? You closed down a friggin' weekly newspaper, you great giver of freedom and democracy! Then all hell broke loose. The paper only had 10,000 readers! Why are you smirking?

Next time someone mentions how great of patriot Michael Moore is, remind them of this. He wants us to LOSE.

Swing Low

Well, I am back, and have a swingset for my daughter.

We got the swingset for free. My wife is a member of an emailing list created by FreeCycle. You sign up for a freecycle list for your area and people post things they want or need to get rid of, that others may be able to use. Emails are sent to everyone in the group, and you can pick and choose what you want; or, email out what you are looking to get rid of.

The guy I got the swingset from built it from a kit several years ago. It's not one of the new fancy "play systems." It has a simple wooden ladder, a little "fort" area with sliding pole, a couple of swing areas. Perfect for what we need. It was nestled inside, and anchored to a sandbox built of 2x8's. So, we (my pal Wayne and the donor and I) had to unbolt everything, then pry it apart as everything was nailed in place before the actual bolting took place. We left the fort "as is", it lay on it's side pretty well in the trailer, but everything else came apart. One 2x6 board and a 4x4 post need to be replaced, but everything else is pretty much in shape.

Here at home, we have to clear a spot for it and level that area out, as where we will erect it is somewhat sloped. I basically just have to rebolt everything together, but I do have to build the right sized box around it, etc.

Now, it's time for the blues... Wife and I are heading to Floyd's Bar in lovely Victoria, Minnesota. Sunday nights Floyd's hosts a blues jam, a great chance to hear some cool music for relatively cheap (hey, no cover!). And the Bloody Mary's are amazing (though they could be a bit spicier!). If you're in Minnesota, you should definately check it out -- especially if you are a musician. Bring your axe and jump on in!

Sunday

I'll be back in a while. I have to go get a swingset for my daughter.

Clean Comedy

A good friend is a big-time comedian. Seriously, that's what he does. On the road working clubs and colleges and National Pastors Conventions making people laugh.

Daren Streblow is his name, and tonight (actually, most of this past week) he is appearing at the Acme Comedy Company in Minneapolis. There are worse things to do with your time and money.

What sets Daren apart from other comedians is that his comedy is clean; no sexual innuendo, no swearing. You could bring your kids. And, it's still funny stuff! Daren, by chance or luck or some other twist of fate is also from Cloquet, Minnesota and so I more than others may understand his humor.

Daren's comedy is clean because he is a Christian. There is Christian comedy; a small niche but one that probably doesn't pay enough to put food on the table. Read his 'Why I Do Clean Comedy;" it's insightful and maybe a little eye opening about our own lives.

I won't be at the show tonight; I'm watching my daughter and her two best friends so my wife and her friend can attend the show. They really deserve it.

Not my way

I don't feel the need to play nice with the Left, especially when one of their heroes comes out and spews some more nonsense and basically calls us Brownshirts.

I don't quite understand why it's okay for some like Al Gore to get away with such a loaded statement. Is Brownshirts a congenial term now? "Hey, look at those brownshirts!"

But I'm not suprised at Al Gore, he's had a history of over-the-top rhetoric... less we forget his right-wing extra chromosome quote.

Sorry, buck up lefties. If you guys can dish it out, you ought to be able to handle it when you're called on it.

I'm sure PeTA won't like it

Curious, if it were a Democrat in California would the headline include the word killed?

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to repeal a state law that requires animal shelters to hold stray dogs and cats for up to six days before killing them.

Instead, there would be a three-day requirement for strays. Other animals, including birds, hamsters, potbellied pigs, rabbits, snakes and turtles, could be killed immediately

Are there a lot of potbellied pigs running around loose in California?

Governator to put down strays faster.

Don't Tug On Superman's Cape

Most criminals really aren't that bright...

A woman with a history of fraud got the bank account number of Houston's chief prosecutor, and is now accused of writing hot checks.

Look in the Mirror

For those who don't wish to acknowledge it, we are at war. And not just since Sept. 12th, 2001, but for at least 30+ years. From Walter E. Williams:

At the 1972 Olympic games in Munich several athletes were massacred. In 1979, the U.S. embassy was taken over and 52 hostages held for more than a year. In 1983, U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut were blown up killing 241 U.S. soldiers. In 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed killing 270 people. In 1993, there was the first bombing of the World Trade Center and in 2001 it was reduced to rubble killing more than 3,000 Americans. In 1988, U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed resulting in the deaths of 220 people and 4,000 injured. Who are the people responsible for these and other wanton murders of innocents including the recent barbaric beheading of two innocent men? They were all Muslims.

These weren't happy go-lucky people who just felt like popping off people for the fun of it, it's people who wish to end our way of life. They don't care if you hate George W. Bush. They don't care if you want to get our troops out of Iraq. They want us ALL dead.

My colleague Dr. Thomas Sowell observes, "Those in the Islamic world have for centuries been taught to regard themselves as far superior to the "infidels" of the West, while everything they see with their own eyes now tells them otherwise." He adds, "Nowhere have whole peoples seen their situation reversed more visibly or more painfully than the peoples of the Islamic world." Sowell adds that few people, once at the top of civilization, accept their reversals of fortune gracefully. Moreover, they don't blame themselves for their plight. For the Muslim world, it's the West who's to blame.

For people who have had a few thousand-year head start on us, it's hard for me to work up sympathy for them. Killing and beheading people is not the way to go. So, if taking down Saddam and basically starting over with Iraq causes a chain-reaction in the Middle East, then so be it.

Will the West survive?

The Greatest Military in History

Or to quote Victor Davis Hanson: The United States military is the most formidable force in the history of civilization.

Remember Michael Moore's heroic Al Sadr militiamen and how he proclaimed they would win? Aww, too bad, eh Flint Fattie? Looks like we've dusted the floor with Al Sadr's army.

The Army's powerful 1st Armored Division is proclaiming victory over Sheik Muqtada al-Sadr's marauding militia that just a month ago seemed on the verge of conquering southern Iraq.

I think what's more remarkable is the speed at which we adapt to changing environments and enemies. Especially in the Middle East.

Soldiers, tanks and helicopters at a port in Kuwait reversed course, rushing back inside Iraq to battle the Shi'ite cleric's 10,000-strong army. Within days, a four-tank squadron was rumbling toward the eastern city of Kut. And within hours of arriving, Lt. Col. Mark Calvert and his squadron had cleared the town's government buildings of the sheik's so-called Mahdi's Army.

The strike into Kut was followed by an incursion into Diwaniyah. Then an 18-tank battalion entered Karbala, a holy city where precision operations were needed to spare religious shrines.

I suspect a lot of people don't wish to acknowledge the part of sparing religious shrines.

Army Claims Victory.

Original link found via Instapundit.

Who would've thunk it

Hold onto your hats, but Mary-Kate Olsen is anorexic. Yes, I know, the skeletal one has an eating disorder...surely this must be some sort of joke.

Wonder what was the giveaway? Maybe weighing 70 pounds perhaps?

Olsen Twin has eating disorder.

Turtles -- Help Them Out

Here in the Upper Midwest, it's time for the female turtles to dig a nest and bury her eggs. Often times, she'll make a trek across a road to do so.

If it's possible, and a safe opportunity, pull your car over and help her out. Just pick her up and move her to the shoulder that she is heading towards.

Last Friday, we discovered a painted turtle just covering a hole in our yard, where she had deposited her eggs. I did dig a bit to make sure she had done the deed, then we marked the spot with a stick so that in late August we can start checking to see if the hatchlings make it and make their move to the pond.

Good Bye and Have Fun

I leave TAM in the capable hands of Shawn and Steve. You two, I expect to see a few Instalanches in my stat numbers by the time I come back. Also, bonus points for (gentling) annoying Oliver Willis.

Kerry's House of Ketchup will not come out this week. I know you're sad, but that just means there will be a super-sized one next week.

Wish me luck catching the big one and see you all next Tuesday.

Gorillas Gone Wild

I didn't know that the gorilla video store had a dimly lit "back room" for adult gorillas.

Gorilla sex video therapy

Fill Ins

Soon this humble (yeah right!) weblogger will be at an undisclosed location somewhere near Dick Cheney engaging in the fisherman's endless quest to experience something that can be turned into a fishing tale that can be believed.

But don't worry. TAM won't go dormant. I have two capable people Filling in while I'm gone this week.

The first victim/sacrificial lamb guest commenter is Steve of Norway. Steve is a regular TAM poster and also posts at Drumwaster's Rants. He found a way to fit some posting into his busy schedule. For that I'm grateful.

The second sucker guest is Shawn Sarazin. I've known Shawn for close to ten years. We met when I finally got around to joining the UMD College Republicans. 1994--my shaggy, human hairball days (thankfully, no pics on the Net)--was a really, really good year for Republicans, and I was happy to work with Shawn and his wife Michelle in doing our small part in getting Rod Grams elected to the Senate. I've been friends with them ever since. Shawn's probably more conservative than me and is active in his Lutheran church--a good Missouri Synod Lutheran church to be exact. (No, I'm not trying to start a good/bad Lutheran flame fest...yet. Sometime I will have to tell you my one and only experience sitting through an ELCA service. To give you a taste, Greenpeace would have love it.) Even though he's from Minnesota and a Vikings fan I am letting him run around the old TAM spread.

I'm giving these guys an early start just in case I need to iron out any tech wrinkles. Whether they take advantage of it is up to them.

Steve and Shawn, I'm expecting you two to play nice, write some good stuff, and rip the heck out of each other's sports teams.

Kevin is Old

Wish him a happy birthday.

Blow by Blow

Matthew Yglesias has a love of strange nostalgia.

"Old School"

Put Him on the $20

Until shown otherwise Reagan should replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 instead of Hamilton on the $10. I know my early 19th Century American history is really rusty, but other than killing the national bank, telling John Calhoun to stick it, and winning the Battle of New Orleans after the War of 1812 was in essence over what make him deserve the currency honor more than Reagan? If Reaganiks (and term I've just coined) think this through they should be able to get support to ax Jackson from all the descendents of the Indian tribes Old Hickory had relocated.

"Biographers Come To Hamilton's Defense"

Which Is It?

Are we doomed by floods or desertification? Note in both cases the U.N. is the source.

"Flood Toll Could Climb to 2bn"

"U.N. Says Globe Drying Up at Fast Pace"

Potty Break

I'm not in favor of a law mandating them, but any building, especially stadiums and theaters, should have more women's bathrooms than men's.

"Women Battle for Equal Rights in Loo Queue"

Funny Ha Ha or Funny Strange?

This actually is funny in a very geeky sort of way. But then again I think The Sopranos (the greatest black comedy in television history) is funnier than both Shrek movies put together.

"Scientists Take The Fun Out Of Funny"

Stuck on Internet Time

With President Reagan's burial yesterday and President Bush's radio address dedicated to the great man I would think it would be time to move on. But if people abide by the flag code (sec. 7) flags will remain at half-mast for three more weeks. Did that happen with Nixon? I don't seem to recall, but then he was a fallen man and not the beloved man that Reagan was/is.

Ronald in D.C. One Last Time

I watched much of the procession of Reagan's body from the White House to Capitol Hill. There was a golden hue in the air probably from the heat and humidity. It made Washington, D.C. appear to be the City on a Hill the President mentioned often. Nancy Reagan combined grief, dignity, and sharing into one graceful package. She never connected more with the American public than she did yesterday. Everyone knew she was sad her husband was now dead, but you also could feel the relief from having been relieved of the burden of watching Reagan wither from his disease. She's now free and is willing to share her Ronny one last time with a country that adores him.

Mike was there and has this report.

"Procession"

Meet the Lazy Bum

That was me yesterday. Monday night, I saw Rush on their 30th anniversary tour. I got home late, then slept way too long yesterday since I had a day off. With Reagan's death filling up just about all the news time I wasn't inspired. Add to that yesterday's weather (warm and humid), and I shifted into lazy bum mode. To top it off, I watched the entire Brewers-Angels game that went to 17 innings. I should be in bed, but I didn't want any of you to think I vanished off the face of the earth. Expect a (probably short) Kerry's House of Ketchup this evening.

"Rush Delivers Fine-Tuned Show of the Classics"

"U.N. Endorses Transfer of Iraq Sovereignty"

"A Long Night's Journey . . ."

Missed Opportunity

To remember Ronald Reagan, his death, and what he did for his country, I planned on getting a copy of today's NY Times assuming its front page would be full of stories about his death, his accomplishments, and his place in history. For some reason, the paper had nothing about Reagan's death on the front page. Instead, coverage is in Monday's paper. It was late afternoon Saturday that he passed away, but the Times couldn't find a way to get that huge story in for the Grey Lady's midwest readers by Sunday morning?

To the Times' credit its obituary of Reagan is the longest one I can recall.

"Ronald Reagan Dies at 93; Fostered Cold-War Might and Curbs on Government"

Just Following the Rules

I'm sure the Bojangles resturant has a "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy.

"Police Look for Naked Drive-Through Patron"

Really Confused

According to an e-mail I got from Krispy Kreme, 06.04 is supposedly National Doughnut Day. But Track-A-Day has it for 06.22, the Salvation Army in Southern California is teaming up with local Krispy Kremes to celebrate it on 06.02, and MyDailyPlan-It.com has it today, 06.01. And let's not mix up National Doughnut Day with National Cream-filled Doughnut Day.

Meow!

Okay, I lied. THIS is the last post of the night. Laurence fought a cat, and the cat won.

"Infinitely Stupid Cat"

Life at 80

President George H. W. Bush at 80 still is full of (mostly mental) energy, and what wit he has. He shares my annoyance at a verbal tick found in too many youngins today:

There are things kids say that don't exactly disturb me now that I am 80, but things that make me wonder what they are learning. They use the word "like" all the time. My beloved teenagers can't say a sentence without saying "like."

Like "Hi, Gampster, are you like going out in the boat, and if you do will you like take me with you?" Why do kids do this? Why don't their teachers tell them to cease and desist? They should simply tell the kids "Don't say 'like' all the time." Maybe it is only us old guys who notice, because we like didn't learn to talk that way and like now everyone under 20 goes "like" all the time. It's a new phenomenon. I hope our grandkids grow out of it before I get to be 85.

"Life is Good" [via Just A Girl]

Nice Hat

Michele almost bears it all again. This time for her hubby.

Bad Fire

I met Jay McCarthy at BloggerCon I last fall. He's very smart and very inquisitive--the two usually go hand in hand. Tragedy struck him and his family when his home caught fire. No one got hurt, but the house will have to be rebuilt. Wish Jay and his family well, and say a little prayer for them.

Very Pooped

I've ixnayed posting tonight. I'm beat, plus I had to have my car towed this evening and dread wondering how much it will cost me. On a good note, at the store today I waited on ex-Milwaukee Buck, now New York Knick Tim Thomas. He was interested in a really, really expensive Muhammad Ali book. He was friendly but didn't look as tall as I thought he should be.

TAM's Been Yahoo-ed

I made it into Yahoo. Why I didn't do this years ago, I don't know.

Half-Way There

Enter Stage Right is over half-way to its funding goal. Dig around between your sofa cushions and donate.

Help out ESR

Enter Stage Right has been in the conservative writing biz longer than the blogosphere explosion. For years, ESR has produced weekly editions featuring quality conservative writing (including me). Steve, the editor and publisher, is having some financial problems. Donate to ESR so it can continue letting the rest of the world know what's Right.

Who Knew?

The head of the NBA is an InstaPundit reader.

Rush Endorses ScrappleFace

ScrappleFace has hit the big time. Rush Limbaugh loves Scott Ott's work. As Laurence put it: "Way, way bigger than any pathetic Bloggy trinket passed around at SXSW."

"ScrappleFace: EIB Quality"

Hurrah!

Kevin's wife gave birth to a baby boy.

A Virgin No More

Jay had his first Krispy Kreme exprience, and it was good.

Fall Down, Go Boom

My favorite in this list of top April Fool's jokes has a local connection:

In 1933 the Madison Capital-Times solemnly announced that the Wisconsin state capitol building lay in ruins following a series of mysterious explosions. The explosions were attributed to "large quantities of gas, generated through many weeks of verbose debate in the Senate and Assembly chambers." Accompanying the article was a picture showing the capitol building collapsing. By modern standards the picture looks slightly phony, but readers in 1933 were fooled—and outraged. One reader wrote in declaring that the hoax "was not only tactless and void of humor, but also a hideous jest."

Evil Peeps

Belle Waring at Crooked Timber hates peeps. She hates them more than I do.

Here’s my special fun-filled Peeps trick: put a marshmallow Peep in the microwave (on a plate) and set for one minute. It’s a flaming orgy of sadistic Peeps-destruction! Mel Gibson’s got nothing on me (though I doubt the edifying spectacle will cause anyone to confess to murder.)

My favorite Easter candy are the Reese's peanut butter eggs. If I find them on sale after Easter, I buy up as many as I can. They're bigger than ordinary Resse's peanut butter cups and have a different mouthfeel when you bite through the chocolate and into the peanut butter.

"Peeps!" [via Professor Bainbridge]

I'll Eat Like a Soprano

Tonight's the family is celebrating my sister's birthday. She wants Italian, and a Maggiano's recently opened up at Mayfair Mall so that's the plan. After returning from Phoenix and getting back into my work clothes, I noticed I ate a little too well. Five days of consuming big steaks, ballpark hotdogs, beer, and Applebee's bar food goes straight to the waist. Tonight, I'll tackle big plates of pasta. Luckily, I'm still at an age where I can adjust my diet and see the results quickly.

Thank God I'm Lutheran

Because I don't have to train myself to endure this.

I'm Baaaack!

Miss me? I've returned from 90 degrees and sunshine and come back to 40 degrees and rain. Normal posting will resume tomorrow evening. In the meantime, note that Condi Rice knew plenty about al-Qaeda before Richard Clarke had to talk down to her. Then, for you GOP-types in the West Bend/Washington County (WI) area, there is a Bush-Cheney training session tomorrow night. Here are the details:

Who: Bush Volunteers, Precinct Captains, and everyone who
believes in President Bush's vision for America

When: Wednesday, March 24th, 7:00-8:30pm

Where: Washington County GOP Headquarters
519 Hickory Street
West Bend, WI 53095
(262) 334-4150

RSVP to Washington County Bush Chairman Kathy Kiernan at katzkiernan--at--aol--dot--com if you plan on attending.

I'm Leaving You in Suspense

I have an announcement planned for later today. It has to do with a certain Vietnam veteran.

While you're wondering what I have up my sleeve, click here to beef up my Kings of Chaos army, and click here to help out GoaticusMaximus. Thanks.

Once in a Lifetime

Google is a weird contraption. If you want the dirt on Sen. Kerry's so-called affair you'd go to Drudge, right? Then why does Google have TAM ranked higher? I'm not sitting on any breaking news. Like others, I'm waiting for Drudge to drop another bombshell.

Click Here

I'll be at work the rest of the day and night so no posting until really late. But since you're here fell free to help build my Kings of Chaos army (just a few clicks are needed) and GoaticusMaximus' army too.

Thanks.

Creativity and Maddness

Harvard researchers have found that people who don't/can't ignore irrelevent data (low "latent inhibition") and have "exceptional flexibility in thought" are more susceptible to mental illness and great creative accomplishments. One of the researchers said,

Getting swamped by new information that you have difficulty handling may predispose you to a mental disorder. But if you have high intelligence and a good working memory, you are more likely to be able to combine bits of new information in creative ways."

"Creativity Tied to Mental Illness"

A Request

Kings of Chaos has been restarted. I'm staring from scratch. That means I'm asking you to click to build my army. It's easy, it's not that much fun, but since I don't have any tip jars for you to fill, it's one way of showing your love for TAM.

Oh, and click to build GoaticusMaximus' army too.

Don't Forget that Other Dictator

Let me help the Commissar with his quest to build up a Bush=Stalin meme.

"Equal Time for Stalin"

Good for Traffic

No wonder TAM's been swamped with people Googling for Janet Jackson's boob. As of this moment TAM is #3 for the keywords "janet jackson's breast pic."

Look Beyond the Numbers

A Little Aardvark makes an awfully perceptive point about racial profiling by police:

So the big news last night is that most police departments in Texas are two to three times more likely to stop blacks and Hispanics than other folks and when stopped, they are much more likely to do vehicle searches on cars driven by blacks and Hispanics. On the face of it, it looks like, gasp, RACIAL PROFILING. And unfortunately, that's as far as most people will get. What they don't tell you is WHERE and WHEN the stops occur, and what the crime rate is, and what the racial mix is, and what percentage of crimes are committed by each racial group. If the Hispanics/Anglo mix of the local populace is 50/50, but 75% of the crimes are committed by Hispanics, shouldn't the police be looking at a ratio of 3:1 in stops (75/25) instead of 1:1 (50/50)? I can tell you the three highest crime areas in Fort Worth: Stop Six - predominantly black, Northside - predominantly Hispanic, Como - predominantly black. Guess where the police spend a lot of time? So if they are patrolling Como, and see a car full of teenagers at 3:00 in the morning, they should just ignore them? If the racial profilers have their way, the answer is 'yes'.

Janet Exposed

Immediately after seeing it, I knew Janet Jackson's breast would be on the Net. Wizbang didn't let me down. Is she wearing a pasty? And will CBS get fined?

Oh, by the way, the New England Patriots won.

"In Case You Missed The Game Nudity"

UPDATE: Links and a pic from Oliver Willis.

That's Not Wisconsin Chili

I don't know where Cold Spring Shops got his chili recipe, but I'm sure it wasn't from Northeastern Wisconsin. His recipe has too many peppers in it. I'd love to try his sometime, but the chili I grew up with (30 miles south of Green Bay) consisted of kidney beans, ground beef, tomato sauce, elbow macaroni, water, and spices (no cayanne) cooked for a long time. When I was growing up, we never heard of a habanero. The only heat from that stuff was from it cooking on the stove.

Dump Dowd

Here's the first sentence from Maureen Dowd's column today:

Howard Dean's bark was missing its bite. And his socks were missing their warp. Not to mention their woof.

"Dowd Translator Needed"

We Won't Be Missing You

Apparently to Gwyneth Paltrow America is too patriotic. "At the moment there's a weird, over-patriotic atmosphere over there," she said. She also fails to realize that there's is an entire political party and almost 50% of the electorate opposed to President Bush.

"The Foxlight: Traitor Gwyneth" [Note: This is an amazingly harsh story title.] [via Right Voices]

Question to the Audience

Does any TAM reader have a copy of SimCity 3000? If so, is Madison, WI one of the cities that can be loaded? If so, is there something "interesting" about the map?

Rush Fans Need "Patience"

Police have been on the receiving end of complaints from Rush fans over Alex Lifeson's arrest on New Year's Eve. A Collier County sheriff went so far as to write a commentary in a Naples' newspaper.

In a related note, all the Rush's in my life (the band and the man) are involved with Florida police. Ironically, the band has an instrumental titled "Limbo" on their Test for Echo album.

"Police Ask Fans' Patience in Rush Probe" [via BlogCritics.org]

Coke is Evil

ScrappleFace has found that imperialist, Mars-hating capitalists have already scarred the Red Planet's precious landscape.

Notes

Little posting or Net surfing today. I made a batch of pasta sauce (a ragu to be exact) that turned out to be pretty darn good. I'm becoming a bit of a foodie. I got a good chef's knife for Christmas (Thanks, mom and dad.) and have found some good, easy recipies from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything: The Basics.

---

On the Packers' front, everything's a go. All tickets are accounted for. Transportation has been secured. I'm hoping the "bad" weather (for the Seahawks) heads north (Milwaukee expects around six inches of snow). And some Packers fan in St. Louis has his home decked in the proper colors.

---

I won't leave my non-sports readers hanging. Oliver Willis linked to a great NY Times Magazine article on the Democrats attempt at finding a foreign policy that can compete politically with President Bush's. To paraphrase Stephen Green, it's "required reading."

"The Things They Carry"

---

Another "must read" is Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld in the Washington Post. They argue that the U.S. is handing over national power to Iraqis too soon. Ethnic tensions and mistrust could lead to chaos or, even worse, an anti-American, Islamist state. Instead, they suggest the coalition develop "local self-government." A model similar to the United States' political development.

"Ethnic Division in Iraq"

Happy New Year!

And there's Michele's first post of the year.

My picture is almost as good as the one from mtpolitics.

Then there's Prof. Bainbridge.

Overkill

Milwaukee's own Mark Belling, filling in for Rush Limbaugh talked about a story of a California high shcool being harassed for expressing conservative opinions. Glenn Reynolds wants the Justice Department to get involved. Isn't that overkill? And how does that tie into his idea of federalism? Or is Reynolds' federalism a "soft" federalism?

"A Dissenting Student Hounded for his Views"

Person of the Year

Enter Stage Right seeks nominations for its Person of the Year. If you can think of someone better than President Bush (none of those plural persons Time does although this year's pick was good) go here, then leave a comment to this post letting us know who you chose and why.

Two Reminders

Keep the Carnival of the Capitalists entries coming. Only a few of them are "Year in Review," "Year-End Wrap-up," or "2004 Prediction" posts. That's ok, but this week would be the most timely for them. Keep 'em coming. Since the Packers are playing a late game, you have most of Sunday afternoon to get your entries in.

I haven't asked you to help build my Kings of Chaos army in quite a while, but in the past few days an opponent has had my number and sabotaged most of my offensive and defensive weapons. So click early and often to help me rebuild and exact revenge. Then click on these fellow KoC players: Laurence, GoaticusMaximus, and Dr. Schloktopus.

Merry Christmas

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King.
Let ev'ry heart prepare Him room,
And heav'n and nature sing ( And heav'n and nature sing! )
And heav'n and nature sing ( And heav'n and nature sing! )
And heav'n and heav'n and nature sing.

Joy to the world! the Saviour reigns;
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy ( Repeat the sounding joy! )
Repeat the sounding joy ( Repeat the sounding joy! )
Repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love ( And wonders of His love! )
And wonders of His love ( And wonders of His love! )
And wonders, and wonders of His love.

Barbie Lobster

Don't tell PETA.

"Fishermen Dress Lobster As Barbie" [via ATS]

Promoting Big Government

Another reason not to donate to my alma matter:

The University of Minnesota-Duluth is planning on offering a new weekend Masters Degree in Advocacy and Political Leadership. It’s a program designed for people who want to make the world a better place…through advocacy and political activity.

[via SCSUScholars]

Bombs Over Brookings

I consider myself pretty well-versed in recent U.S. history. That's why I was shocked to hear that people in the Nixon White House considered bombing the Brookings Institution in order to steal damning documents in their possession. I don't know how in the last few days I stumbled upon this piece of information, but it's been floating around since at least 1982 where this Atlantic article very briefly mentions it. How did I miss this all these years?

"Nixon Aide Tells of Talk about Bombing Brookings Think Tank"

Dean and Iraqi Classical Music

My response to Howard Dean's foreign policy speech will have to wait until daylight. I'm beat from dealing with too many Christmas shoppers. I'm at the point where I'd wish the Pope would declare that Christmas is canceled for this year due to too great an emphasis on buying stuff.

On a postive note, Eric Pfeiffer has a story on the Iraqi National Symphony Orchestra's performance in Washington, D.C. Before the concert, Colin Powell (may God bless him) told the audience, "Witness the historic re-entry of Iraqi culture to the world stage. This wonderful orchestra is a symbol of normal life returning to Iraq." Here here!

Then ScrappleFace reports on Howard the Duck's other response to Saddam's capture.

"Dean Demands Saddam's Release, Recapture by U.N."

Help!

I'm not begging, I'm pleading. Please vote for TAM in the Weblog Awards. I can promise nothing but a smiling face from me and warm spot in your heart. Unless you had some spicy food for dinner in which case you should get some Pepto Bismal.

Then do some Kings of Chaos clicking for me, Laurence, Dr. Schloktopus, and my only officer GoaticusMaximus.

Rusting Ships

What do these rusting ships have to do with anything? Not much. I'm just trying to divert your attention away from the mildly embarassing post below.

"Hyperfinch @ S.S. American Star" [via memepool]

Manly Men

J.P. Carter posted pics of conservative "studmuffins." Let's just say most of these guys have faces perfect for a weblog. I offer very studly one of Glenn Reynolds and me.

[via Jay Solo]

Cheering Myself Up

Here some things I've done to combat today's funk:

• Voted in Kevin's 2003 Weblogs Awards (I don't know if TAM's been nominated for anything yet. Not all the catagories are up.)
  
• Shamelessly linked to Kate to get some of her Instalanche traffic. [via Swanky Conservative]
  
• Laughed at Katee Sackoff who plays a female Starbuck in the new Battlestar Galactica miniseries that starts Monday (Must set TiVo.)
  

Bad Day

Opus Part 2

The second Opus strip is on the Web. Thank god!

[via Oliver Willis]

Easy Targets

Dr. Schloktopus watched The Simple Life too. He's a little less generous towards Paris and Nicole than me:

If I were that dairy owner, I would have shot them.

P.S. Click on his Kings of Chaos link while you're here (and mine too).

"Twits on Parade"

Need More Opus

Is the second Opus strip anywhere on the Web? Since the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel are still morons for not putting it in their Sunday paper. Or if anyone's willing they could send me the strips periodically (I'd cover postage, of course). I just really want my Opus, and one strip was a taste I can't resist--kind of like Krispy Kreme's golden glazed goodies.

I Feel Better

I don't feel that ashamed for watching The Simple Life, because Kevin watched it too.

"The Simple Life"

I Can't Believe I'm Watching This

Oh, The Simple Life would have been perfectly fine if a terrorist would have taken out Paris Hilton's and Nichole Richie's helicopter with a surface-to-air missile.

How many times am I going to hear one of them say, "Oh, my god!"?

Best quote so far:

Nichole: "Paris, don't drive it like its a Porche."

I'm half-way through so I should be able to tough it out until the end of the first episode. Come back for an update.

UPDATE: More stunning quotes:

Paris: "What does soup kitchen mean?"

Paris: "What is Wal-Mart? ... Do they sell walls there?"

Paris: "What's a well for?"

Nichole: "We should have a threesome with him [one of the teenage boys they're living with]."

I'm tempted to give The Simple Life a TiVo season pass. But can I endure the pain?

Someone get Paris a decent pair of jeans. I'm all for females showing off what they've got, but the plumber look just doesn't turn me on. And could someone tell Paris it's alright to eat something. Put about 30 pounds are her and she'd stop looking transparent and be rather cute.

Poor Bird

Oh, is this funny.

"Pardoned Turkey Suffering From Survivor Guilt"

First and Only Word on Paris

For those of you in need of more Paris Hilton info, I have none to offer. However, I have one bit of pithy analysis: next time you make a porn video skip the night vision and turn on the lights. The point is to see something, isn't it.

This bit of traffic whoring was inspired by Kevin at Wizbang.

UPDATE: Kevin's Google trick sure is working. It's made for a pretty good Saturday since I didn't post anything since really early yesterday morning. I still have nothing more to add about Paris except I will not be watching her Fox television show.

Thankful

Here are a few things I'm thankful for:

• All of God's tremendous blessings.

• Generous family who put up with me.

• A job that pays the bills.

• Good friends.

• President George W. Bush.

• Warriors fighting overseas to protect us from evil.

• Funny, smart, and generous webloggers.

• Instalanches.

• The greatest team in pro-sports.

• The greatest stadium in sports.

• Krispie Kreme doughnuts.

• Sushi.

• Wasabi.

• Led Zeppelin.

• The Blues.

• F.A. Hayek.

• Ludwig von Mises.

• Adam Smith.

• Classical Liberalism.

• Ronald Reagan.

• Howard the Duck, M.D. (for sheer entertainment value).
  

What are you thankful for? Just leave a comment. Also heed the spirit of Laurence's post. (My, can he be blunt.)

Cranberry Sauce

Michele asks:

One question before I go: Does anyone really eat that jello-like cranberry thing that comes out of the can or do you all just put it on the table at Thanksgiving because it's supposed to be there?

"Stuff(ing)"

ConAgra Makes One Mean Turkey

Sara Dickerman did a turkey taste test for Slate (they should do more food articles). After comparing a Butterball with kosher and organic turkeys, Big Agriculture won the contest.

"Turkey Derby"

Click Here

Continue clicking to build up TAM's forces (now over 100!). Help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

You Know the Drill

Continue clicking to build up TAM's forces. Then help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

On This Day... Part II

James Joyner dug through Glenn Reynolds' pre-Sep. 11 posts. He didn't find any non-terrorist news that stood out. He does note the explosion in Glenn's traffic.

I'm again going through the dusty TAM archives. This time I'm looking for big stories before the Sep. 11 attacks.

On 9.04.01, Compaq and Hewlett-Packard announced their merger.

Around the same time, Janet Reno decided to run for Florida governor.

This post reminded me of the biggest story that Sep. 11 tossed aside: Gary Condit and Chandra Levy.

I searched through a few weblogs on my blogroll and realized few had posts from that time. It makes me feel a little old (I was posting on Elian Gonzalez back in 2000.), and it illustrates how the weblog phenomenon has exploded.

If you remember some interesting non-terrorist news from around Sep. 11, let me know.

"All the News That's Not Fit to Print"

On this Day...

Amazing! I learned from James Joyner that C. S. Lewis died the same day JFK was killed. There's some cosmic meaning to that. This makes James ask, "One wonders, for example, what happened on September 11, 2001 and the week or so thereafter that virtually no one knows about."

Let's see what non-terrorist news I posted on:

I wrote in 9.23.01:

If it wasn't for the September 11 attacks, Andrea Yates would be America's biggest story. The mother who killed her five children was found competent to stand trial.

On 9.25.01, the Supreme Court took up the Cleveland school voucher case.

On 9.26.01, I posted on a NASA probe that caught up to a comet.

In local (Wisconsin) news, philanthropist Jane Pettit died on 9.10.01.

There must be more, so fellow webloggers, do some archive digging. I'll link to your discoveries.

"Overshadowed"

Quiet Day at TAM

I'll be at work early tomorrow so no posting until the afternoon if I'm in the mood (it is College Football Saturday). For your reading pleasure, check out Daniel Drezner's post on President Bush's "creeping protectionism." Then read my post on new restrictions on Chinese clothing. After that do some Kings of Chaos clicking for me and my compatriots.

Kings of Chaos Update

The TAM army is up to 73. Continue clicking to build up TAM's forces. Then help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

KoC is fun. You should join the fun. It'd also be cool to have some officers under me. For every two men you recruit, I get one. It's another way to help my army grow.

A Few Quick Hits

I don't have time to post anything substantial. I'm off to dinner with a friend and his family. Then I have to work on in very important Week 11 Freaks of the Week column. But I won't leave you in the lurch so here are a few links (discuss amongst yourselves):

DaveL and Steve at Deinonychus antirrhopus respond favorably to the Massachusettes State Supreme Court's decison to allow same-sex marriages. Note this from DaveL's post:

My only quibble is that it's another instance of judicial fiat, and will probably produce a backlash. I would much prefer that legalized gay marriages come from the legislatures, not the courts.

James Joyner links to a review of Rush Limbaugh's return to the talk radio airwaves. I listen to his first hour and was proud of his return and attitude. He's learned alot and will continue to grow. He will also be telling us more about his legal situation when circumstances permit.

Continue clicking to build up TAM's forces. Then help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

Kings of Chaos Update

It was a bad day for the TAM army. While its numbers continued to swell, defenses couldn't repel an attack that resulting in the loss of over 100,000 pieces of gold. Resources are now going into boosting defenses and intelligence. Information is crucial before engaging in an effective counter-attack. Continue clicking to build up TAM's forces (up to 43). Then help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

Kings of Chaos Update

TAM's army has grown. It's up to 43. Unfortunately, while earning real money (and it wasn't gold) my stockade was attacked and whole bunch of gold was stolen. To prevent this from happening again I need you to continue to click and make my army grow. Then help out my fellow warmongers:

• Laurence
  
• Dr. Schloktopus
  

One Yucky Word

From now on I will feel icky everytime I hear the word "chickenhawk."

Thanks, Steve...I think.

"Hawks and Doves"

Kings of Chaos Status

TAM's rag-tag group of marauders is up to 37. They'll all nicely tucked away in a new stockade ready to defend themselves from all the other armies I've been sniping at. You're clicks are helping. Keep it up. Also, think about playing. I'd like some officers. You'd have fun, and my army would grow even stronger.

UPDATE: Click here to build Laurence's army and here to help out Dr. Schloktopus' Army of the Squid.

And yes, I'm a dork for obsessing about this.

Kings of Chaos

What's fun about Kings of Chaos is checking on my armed gangs' status and seeing new recruits. That means someone's listening to my requests. Thanks, everyone. Keep on clicking and even start playing yourself. It's addicting.

Flynt Won't Publish Lynch Photos

So out of the good graces of Larry Flynt's heart (does he even have one?) he won't publish nude photos of Jessica Lynch. The original Fat Bastard said, "She's very much a pawn for the government." Now, if Lynch wouldn't have complained that the U.S. military fluffed up her ordeal and rescue, then Flynt's "conscience" wouldn't have prevented him from printing the embarassing photos? Even more disgusting, Flynt had the gall to say, "You gotta do the right thing." This may have been the first time in his life he's done that.

"Flynt Says He Won't Use Nude Lynch Photos" [via Amish Tech Support]

More Clicks Please

Corny, yes, but addictive Kings of Chaos is. Yoda, do I sound like. Anyway, click here to keep my troop (still too small to be called an army) growing.

I'm Hooked

My armed gang (too small to call it an army) engaged in its first mission. My spy got valuable information, so I tempted fate again. Only the second time met with disaster. The spy was killed and I must prepare for a counter-attack. If you care about all that is just, right, and good with one's online gaming addiction you'll click here to beef up my defenses. Thanks in advance.

Laurence, this is all your fault!

Keep Clicking

My little rag-tag army is slowly growing thanks to all your efforts. Hopefully in a day or two I'll have the money and armor to go on the war path. Help me satisfy my warmongering appetite by clicking here.

Click Early, Click Often

I have joined Laurence's quest. What that quest is (marching on Arafat?), I don't know, but it requires that people click on this link to build my army. Right now it amounts to one untrained soldier. One slightly-trained Iraqi child could destroy me right now.

Which Founding Father are You?

Does this fit me? It might, except I'm not into the dueling thing.

Which Founding Father Are You?

[via PrestoPundit]

PSA

Enter Stage Right is suffering a money crunch. Let's help Steve out so he can keep this conservative Internet institution up and running.

TMQ to Return

Like Cam I didn't read TMQ much, but it looks like Gregg Easterbrook is making a come back.

"November 4 Update from Gregg Easterbrook re: TMQ"

I See Red

J.P. Carter misses the Communists.

"Bring Back the Commies! - A Neoconservative’s
Nostalgic Longing For Marxism"

Spooky Stuff

No posting for a while tonight. I'm catching up on this week's Charlie Roses and Booknotes. Do check out a load of Halloween posts at Blogcritics.org.

"Halloween Madness!"

MLB is the Best

Sure the Donald Rumsfeld doll (it looks too much like a Ken doll to be called an "action figure" and the Dennis Miller doll are pretty cool, but can they compare to a Martin Luther bobblehead? I don't think so.

[via Betsy's Page]

ID to Send a Letter

The Post Office wants to require identification to send items out. This is another reason their monopoly should be broken. We'd get better service, lower prices, and more privacy if UPS and FedEx were competing for my business.

"Post Office Proposes Requiring ID on Mail"

Chris Wallace to Host Fox News Sunday

Chris Wallace as new host of Fox News Sunday is a mild disappointment. The only reason I see for Brit Hume not getting the job is that it's another day at the office, and he didn't want that. I just hope this isn't Fox News' way of trying to earn accolades and tone down their perceived bias (no more than the other networks). As Brit Hume told Howard Kurtz, "We don't think we can ever be approved of by the journalistic establishment as we know it."

I'm surprised to read in Kutz's story that FNS is fourth in the Sunday yap-fests behind CBS' Face the Nation. How can you lose to Bob Schieffer when it seems like he's sleeping during much of the show.

"Wallace Sees Fox as Fair, Balanced" [via The Hedgehog Report]

One Very Cool T-Shirt

Take that Che!

[via Fredrik Norman]

Battlestar Blegging

The case is kind of corny, and it's too expensive, but if anyone wants to give this editor something in return for all the pithy commentary you've come to expect here Battlestar Galactica on DVD would be joyously accepted. Heck, if you just want me to stop with the Howard Dean=Howard the Duck references, a bribe would certainly do the trick. ;-)

"'Ragtag, Fugitive Fleet' Still on the Move"

Krauthammer on Easterbrook

Charles Krauthammer comments on the Easterbrook affair.

Nonetheless, the idea of destroying someone's reputation and career over a single slip of this type is not just ridiculous, but vindictive.

And hugely beside the point. The world is experiencing the worst resurgence of anti-Semitism in 50 years. Its main objective is the demonization and delegitimization of Israel, to the point that the idea of eradicating, indeed obliterating, the world's only Jewish state becomes respectable, indeed laudable. The psychological grounds for the final solution are being prepared.

That's anti-Semitism.

Easterbrook has apologized. Leave him alone.

"L'Affaire Easterbrook" [via VodkaPundit]

Snow Leaving FNS

Why Tony why? Why would you want to leave the biggest gig of your life as Fox News Sunday host to dive into the highly competitive world of talk radio? And, comparatively speaking, you're much better hosting a Sunday yap fest than doing the radio thing.

[via PoliBlog]

Easterbrook's Fake E-mail

Here's a new twist in the Easterbrook affair. The folks at Power Line read an e-mail (found crossed out at Brad DeLong's weblog) purported to be from Gregg Easterbrook talking about how Michael Eisner is using Disney resources to ruin his career. Now, Gregg Easterbrook claims the e-mail is a fake. However, in a comment on Daniel Drezner's weblog Power Line's John Hinderaker stands firm in the belief that the e-mail was genuine.

What should we make of this? If Easterbrook is lying about this just to make this affair go away he's damaging his integrity as both a person and a journalist. It also means Eisner won. But I don't know of a history of Easterbrook being disingenuous. So, I'll have to take his word for it that the e-mail was faked.

---

Matt at A Fearful Symmetry links to a Howard Kurtz column on the Easterbrook affair. Kurtz writes,

But what's important is to look for a pattern over the subject's career. In this case I happen to know the person. He's written books and hundreds of magazine articles. But when the firestorm begins, none of that seems to matter. The ADL is after Easterbrook. He's suddenly become radioactive. And all sense of proportion is thrown out the window.

No Play Money Here

Milwaukee native, Matt McNally, bought Boardwalk and Park Place to win the U.S. Monopoly championship.

"Passes 'Go,' Collects $15,140"

Critics Bear Responsiblity

Andrea Harris doesn't think weblogging critics of Easterbrook bear any responsibility for his firing from ESPN:

What, we aren't to say anything about someone's stupidity for fear they might get fired? It was one thing to be cautious when someone's life was possibly on the line (remember peoples' fears about Salam Pax when Saddam was still in power?); it's another thing to insist we worry about every media writer's job. The media is a shark pond; if you get careless you'll get eaten. If Easterbrook didn't know it then, he knows it now. If that sounds heartless of me, too bad. Sometimes baby needs to get burnt before he learns not to touch the stove.

In Eisner's Crosshairs

In an e-mail from Gregg Easterbrook Disney's Michael Eisner is out to get Gregg. Disney people have been sent out to stop his book from coming out in a few weeks. If there was over-reaction from members of the blogosphere, what Eisner is doing is despicable.

The best people like you and me can do for Gregg is pre-order his book and let the public know what Eisner is doing. The blogosphere has been very harsh on Gregg. Maybe it can save his career.

"Under the Volcano"

Up a Brook Without a Paddle

Greg Easterbrook got hammered [and here] by webloggers for what appeared to be anti-semitic remarks. He posts the passage that caused the hoopla in his apology. When I first read it I didn't think it was anti-semetic but thought others would take it as such. For me to really think someone is an anti-semite I have to see a pattern. Easterbrook has no such pattern. Webloggers, like many in society, are too sensitive to being offended. Next time some writing seems offensive, stop, take a deep breath, and do a little research. Immediate posting of righteous indignation may provide immediate calm, but it's not serious discourse.

What a Racist Reagan Was

Via Orrin Judd:

The fact we never capitalized on [the relationship or letters], I think that's what made it work," Lee said. "That relationship was quite wonderful: an old white guy talking to a young black kid as a pen pal. That was a rare event . . . and something that kids don't do anymore. . . . It's a perfect example of the way the world should act."

Hines does not recall the last letter he wrote to the president but thinks it was in early 1989 when he was in the sixth grade, just after Reagan left office. He thought it would be difficult to continue the correspondence cross-country, and he didn't want to infringe on Reagan the private citizen, Hines said.

"Unfortunately, we didn't continue," he said.

In her statement, Nancy Reagan said: "My husband and Rudy Hines were pen pals, so Rudy holds a special place in his heart. . . . I was pleased to hear recently that he's doing well and I know my husband would be as well."

"Notes From a Friend in High Places"

That Funny Michele

Michele enduring back pain:

When you need to spend a lot of time flat on your back, there's not much you can do, unless you're a hooker. So, when I got home from work early, at about 1:30, I chewed some Motrin, got on the couch and debated making some money while I was just laying there, but my husband didn't feel like going out and finding customers for me. So I read instead.

"Ramblings: Andrew Sullivan in Boxers, Nanny Diaries, Hooker and Marriage"

Over-zealous Fan

I know someone who'll be looking for a new home far from Chicago after he finds a plastic surgeon at 11:00 p.m.

Rush Resigns

By pandering to the race pimps (and Democratic Presidential candidates) I won't be bothering to turn on ESPN's NFL pre-game for the rest of the year. I accepted them dropping Sterling Sharpe and bringing in Rush Limbaugh, but the network couldn't take the heat from a comment of his that wasn't racist but used the word "black."

My suspicion is that his resignation isn't because of Sunday's McNabb remark but a report of a drug problem broke by Drudge.

Plenty can and should be written, but I'm getting ready to go to Boston today for a vacation and BloggerCon. I'd like to say I'll have a computer with me, but my new toy still hasn't arrived in the mail. If it shows up today I'm having it FedEx-ed so I can have it for Day 1 of BloggerCon.

"Limbaugh Resigns from NFL Show"

Just Plain Weird

It's great to love a football team, but to go so far as to create a musical with a strange title like Packer Fans From Outer Space is just too much.

"Tickets Available For Packers Musical At Meyer Theatre"

Stuff for Going to BloggerCon

I realized that if the mail gods like me and my notebook computer arrives in time next week I'll be dragging that with me to Boston. Since I'm bringing a computer, I can bring my digital camera and not worry about using up all the space on the smart media card. I'll also be bringing along a cell phone (haven't owned one in a few years). Along with all this tech junk I'll be bringing a travel book and map as well as an assortment of magazines and books (Quicksilver for sure) so I can catch up on my dead tree reading. I normally don't take music with me on airline trips but by loading a bunch of MP3s on my computer, I'll have stuff to listen to.

Then there will be the problem of staying in an area (Cambridge) that's home to some fine new and used bookstores [also click here]. If my experience there is like when I went to London I won't be buying much, but if the prices are right I don't know how I'll get my discoveries home.

I'm becoming a tech geek pack rat.

Evening Plans

After catching some dinner and seeing Luther, I must clear out the dated links in my "possible links" folder in my browser. There's stuff that's been sitting there for months waiting for pithy commentary. Unfortunately most of it is going to be deleted.

"Martin Luther's Passion, Still Resonating Today"

Miss America at Harvard

David Adesnik gets all witty:

Believe or not, Miss America will be enrolling next fall at Harvard Law School. I guess she was so used to being around superficial ego-driven overachievers that three more years of it didn't seem like much of a sacrifice. (Yes, Urman, that was a cheap shot.)

What's Up Doc?

I'll be at my 10-year high school reunion, but I'll still be rooting for Tina Maria Sauerhammer in the Miss America pagent. If she wins she'd the first doctor Miss America.

"Green Bay Natives Contend for Big Things on Small Screen"

Poor Blaster

I won't complain about the average IQ of the customers I dealt with today (less than my belt size) because my day was nothing like Blaster's "adventures" in the air and road. I will also not make fun of Blaster's experience in any way since I'll be off to Boston in a few weeks.

"Worst. Episode. Ever.

Worst Science Jobs

Popular Science has a list of the worst science jobs. PS may rank flatulence sniffer as number one, but I have to think animal masturbator has to be worse. Then there's the most worthless science job: "metric system advocate." The Metric Program of the National Institute of Standards and Technology motto is "Toward a Metric America." Not if I can clock them with a 1/2" wrench.

"Worse Jobs In Science" [via Betsy's Page]

Food, Beer, Yum!

Food a beer pairings from local brewpubs are making me hungry. I don't care if it's after bar time. Give me something cold and crisp with a plate of spicy buffalo chicken wings.

"Tapping into Food-Beer Combos"

Michele: Next CIA Chief?

When not living her "normal" life, Michele operates a global, underground network. For what, only she knows. It's just found a Saddam tape.

What About Fire and Brimstone?

Laurence wants an act of God in California.

Milwaukee Flash Mob

A Milwaukee flash mob was scheduled to take place tonight at 5:45. No word as to how it went. This time, the local media didn't tell everyone beforehand.

Monkey Business

I would love to know how the insurance company that Pepsi got to write this policy determined the odds for a premium.

"TV's $1 Billion Give-a-Way" [via Drudge]

Don't Feel Sorry for Andres

George Andres should have looked a little more closely at the contract he signed before he moved into his house in Jupiter, Fl. He just has to be an ass and fly his flag on a flag pole instead of a bracket attacted to his house.

Do I think the Indian Creek Phase 3B Homeowners Association's rule barring flag poles is stupid? Yup! I would just choose not to live in a neighborhood where little things like that are regulated. Andres chose to live there. If he doesn't like the rules, he can move. I have no sympathy for a man who wraps himself in the flag just so he can act like a stubborn mule.

"Media Focusing on Flagpole Fight" [via Drudge]

The Weather Channel is Her Favorite

Michele, weather freak.

"Waiting for Izzy"

10 Years of Conan

Steven points out that Conan O'Brien's been around for ten years.

I remember first watching Conan and thinking it was the dumbest late-night show ever. Over the years it's gotten much, much better. It's now at the point where it's the funniest of the late-night shows. If I'm not posting and am flipping channels, I'll come to Leno and Letterman and maybe smile; but with Conan, out comes a real laugh.

"Has it Really Been Ten Years?"

Soledad O'Brien's Smile

Good for her that she's got a sweet gig with CNN, but does she have to emulate the Katie Couric smile?

Wisconsin State Music Video

All this needs is a cow. This has to be played at all Badger sports events. The drunk students would go crazy.

[via Ghost of a flea]

What Should I Make of This?

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

[via Venomous Kate]

Big Rock Won't Hit

About that asteroid that might his earth in 2014, don't worry it won't.

"Asteroid Doomsday 'Risk' Evaporates after Media Fans Flames"

Working on Stuff

I'm working on my Packers prediction and Super Bowl picks. Unless something catches my eye or I take a much-needed nap here is StumpJumper's fine taste in music to keep you occupied. Or there's a Niall Ferguson book review on U.S. world dominance.

"Hegemony or Empire?"

TAM Has to Pay Up

Great job guys! Donuts are on me.

"Here Are The Biggest Losers"

Hog Heaven

Tonight, Harley-Davidson's 100th birthday finished up with a free concert. Tens of thousands of people came to Milwaukee's Veteran's Park along the shore of Lake Michigan. The Doobie Brothers performed with the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, but H-D kept the big names secret. All week, there were rumors of who would play the show. U2's name floated about. Bruce Springsteen was mentioned even though he's playing Giants Stadium tonight. Most people's hopes were for the Rolling Stones.

Around 7:30 MC Dan Akroyd introduced Tim McGraw as the first act. Near the end of his set, Kid Rock came out to sing with McGraw. Kid then did his own set. McGraw came out again to do some more songs. After this Wynonna sang her song "Freedom" while motorcycles flashed across giant video screens. The stage then went dark. A piano melody swept over the crowd that could only come from the British piano player himself, Elton John.

Some concert goers were disappointed with the line-up. After McGraw took the stage thousands of people left Veteran's Park. Some wanted to get an early start to where ever they call home. Some didn't like country music; and some just got angry with Tim McGraw's selection. A woman interviewed on the radio called McGraw the "antithesis" of the H-D lifestyle.

A line-up of Tim McGraw, Kid Rock, and Elton John isn't small potatoes; but given all the secrecy surrounding the show, it's a let down. You can't please all the people all the time. Nevertheless, announcing the acts beforehand wouldn't have stopped many people from showing up. What H-D unfortunately did was set really high expectations that would have been almost impossible to meet.

Out of an entire week of motorcycles rumbling all over southeast Wisconsin, tonight's concert let down was the only minor glich. This was a week where Milwaukee showed itself off to people from around the world. The city and its people were gracious and enthusiastic guests. We got to show off our community and feel a lot of pride for being blessed with H-D. Thousands of people will be going home knowing they had a good time, and that Milwaukee is a pretty cool place. Beer, cheese, the Packers, Harley-Davidson, and its people: these are the five things that make Wisconsin famous.

"Clad in Leather, a Harley Mainstream Rides"

"Heaven is a Harley-Davidson!"

"World Watches as Harley Parties"

"The Day Milwaukee Roared"

Slept in Today

Today I have a day off. Since I wasn't feeling well last night (upset stomach) I slept in most of today to let my body fight the bug and to avoid the August Wisconsin heat. (It's almost September. Will it finally cool off?) I'm back for most of the afternoon and evening to comment more on Terrance Cottrell Jr. as well as anything else that catches my eye.

B-Days

Not mine, but Rollie Fingers' birthday is today. He was a great relief pitcher for the Milwaukee Brewers. That American League pennant hanging inside Miller Park could have been accompanied with a World Series banner if Fingers wouldn't have been injured in the 1982 series against St. Louis. I was eight at the time and ticked that my dad went to one of ALCS games against the (then) California Angels. But oh did I cheer and cheer.

Oh, and it's Michele's birthday and wedding anniversary too.

Worst People of the 20th Century

John Hawkins, the VH-1 of the Blogosphere, has struck again with another list. Find out who right-wing webloggers picked at the worst people of the 20th Century.

For conversation purposes here's my list. It was done quickly and in no particular order. Many deserving people didn't make it (the Clintons not included):

• Josef Stalin
  
• Adolph Hitler
  
• John Maynard Keynes
  
• Mao
  
• Michael Foucult
  
• Lenin
  
• Pol Pot
  
• Idi Amin
  
• Tojo
  
• Fidel Castro
  
• Margaret Sanger
  

"Conservative Bloggers Select The Worst Figures Of The 20th Century"

Rubber Check

Bouncing a $1 check is not a good sign that your project has much of a chance.

"Duluth Nonprofit Buys Building for $1, but Bounces Check" [via The Eye]

Fake Blackout Picture

Snopes.com has the details on the the fake blackout picture I tried to pass on to you. Me bad.

Gods-Eye-View of Blackout

Jim at Unix, Music, and Politics posted a pic showing North America the night of the blackout. That black void isn't the East Coast being swallowed up by a black hole created by incessant liberal taxation. That's what happens when you have a problem in Ohio that cascades east. Look just south of Florida. That's Communist Cuba. Fidel's Workers' Paradise had more lights on than the East Coast. How embarassing!

UPDATE: Matthew at A Fearful Symmetry tells me the pic is probably photoshopped. Looking at it more closely I see New Jersey is blacked out while Detroit and Canada are lighted. That doesn't make jive with the stories I read.

Ouch

I don't think writing about your swollen toe is a great way to generate traffic. But what do I know? Jay got another link from me.

"Not Tonight, I Have a Toe Ache"

Flash Mob No Go

Last night Milwaukee was to have joined New York, London, and other cities in hosting a flash mob. The surprise was it didn't happen.

It was to occur last night at Jazz in the Park at Cathedral Square. Participants were to pretend to ride Harley-Davidson motorcycles and make the motorcycle sound "potato potato potato" (fitting since the 100th anniversary bash is this weekend). Then they were to disperse.

Unlike other flash mobs, this one was known beforehand in the Journal Sentinel and on WTMJ radio. The media did just what I did and joined the Milwaukee flash mob Yahoo! group. A local news station even had a camera crew at Cathedral Square doing a countdown. A backup plan and a backup plan to the backup plan were put together. But only a few people showed up so the flash mob organizer canceled.

The organizer will try again at another time.

"Flash Mob Rumored to Act out Downtown"

MWI: Mowing While Intoxicated

My locale sure isn't boring. Here's what happened just up the road from me:

The question of what constitutes a motor vehicle has become the central issue in the case of a man accused of operating a riding lawn mower on a street while drunk. Barry S. Davis, 44, of Hartford, appeared in Wednesday in Washington County Circuit Court on a charge of operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated Tuesday. Davis admitted to drinking a six-pack of beer, but said he did not know driving a lawn mower while intoxicated was illegal. Judge Andrew Gonring asked Washington County Assistant District Attorney Peter Cannon what the definition of a motor vehicle was. Cannon told the judge, according to state statute, a motor vehicle is any vehicle that is self-propelled. "We believe it applies" to this case, Cannon said. Davis claimed in court he was simply crossing the road. "I wasn't weaving, swerving, nothing like that. I couldn't knock a chair over with it even," he said. But, according to the criminal complaint, Hartford Officer James Zywicki pulled the man over after seeing the mower move side to side on Grant Street and then seeing then nearly go in a ditch to avoid oncoming traffic. Davis spent Tuesday night in the Washington County Jail, then was released after signing a $750 signature bond. He is scheduled to return to court Sept. 3 for further proceedings.

"Man Accused of Operating Lawn Mower while Drunk"

Franken at Harvard

What's more obnoxious: Al Franken lying to John Ashcroft to pad an upcoming book; or Harvard's Kennedy School hosting Franken as a fellow last spring?

Also notice that Fox News doesn't consider Bill O'Reilly a journalist. At the end of the story they refer to him merely as a "Fox News personality."

"Comedian Al Franken Apologizes to Ashcroft"

No Baby Boomlet

According to Snopes, I'm all wet on my prediction of crowded maternity wards out east in nine months.

"From Here to Maternity"

Left-Handers Day

Yesterday, with all the (scary) hoopla about National Underware Day, I missed Left-Handers Day. Just like there won't be any pictures of me in my underware, there won't be any pictures of me showing off my left hand. Thank you and goodnight.

H-D Party Secret

With so much silence about what stars will be at the big Harley-Davidson 8.31 it much be big names. Tickets are free from local Harley-Davidson dealers so keeping the lineup secret until showtime would prevent a massive rush for tickets. Let's let the mind wander and guess who will be there:

• Bruce Springsteen
  
• The Rolling Stones
  
• AC/DC
  
• Fleetwood Mac
  
• A Led Zeppelin reunion
  

"Harley Party Lineup to be Secret Until Lights Go Down"

New Daschle Post

Sen. Daschle's missing post has made it onto his weblog.

Pun-tastic

Ravenwood comments on Arnold jumping into the governor's race.

"Will Davis be Terminated?" [via mtpolitics]

Tom Daschle's Missing Entry

After reading Sen. Tom Daschle's weblog "Travels with Tom," one would get the impression that South Dakota is one lousy place to live. Everyone complains about health care. Health insurance is really expensive if people even have it. Everyone Tom talks to has some horrible condition that making them pay hundreds of dollars a months for prescriptions. Health care clinics are underfunded, understaffed, and overworked. His entries sure wouldn't make it into any South Dakota tourism brouchure.

Now, thanks to TAM's crack team of snoopers (Drudge has nothing on them), I got a hold of a missing entry:

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

Driving up to Mount Rushmore, I saw a lonely caravan of people along the road. I stopped my Cadillac Escalade to see what their problems were. These people were wearing nothing but rags and pushing carts filled with bodies. A dirty man who looked like he hasn't been into one of South Dakota's fine underfunded clinics was at the front of the convoy. The cart master saw me and yelled, "Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"

A grey-haired man who looked even dirtier than the first came up to us with a bundle flopped over his shoulder. At first, it looked like an old rug the local Native Americans used to bury their dead with, but then I noticed the bundle squirming. If the person wasn't dead, it looked like he soon would be. The grey-haired man yelled, "Here's one." A voice from the "dead" person replied, "I'm not dead!."

"What?" asked the Cart Master.

"Nothing. Here's your ninepence," replied the grey-haired man. I wondered what poor straights the grey-haired man was in that he didn't have any U.S. currency.

The conversation then went like this:

Dead Person:
I'm not dead!

Cart Master:
'Ere. He says he's not dead!

Grey-Haired Man:
Yes, he is.

Dead Person:
I'm not!

Cart Master:
He isn't?

Grey-Haired Man:
Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.

Dead Person:
I'm getting better!

Grey-Haired Man:
No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

Cart Master:
Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

Dead Person:
I don't want to go on the cart!

Grey-Haired Man:
Oh, don't be such a baby.

Cart Master:
I can't take him.

Dead Person:
I feel fine!

Grey-Haired Man:
Well, do us a favour.

Cart Master:
I can't.

Grey-Haired Man:
Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

Cart Master:
No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Grey-Haired Man:
Well, when's your next round?

Cart Master:
Thursday.

Dead Person:
I think I'll go for a walk.

Grey-Haired Man:
You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?

The cart master then smacked the "dead" person on the head while he was singing, "I feel happy. I feel happy."

"Ah, thanks very much," said the grey-haired man.

"Not at all. See you on Thursday," said the Cart Master.

It's such a shame to live in a country where families sell their dead because they don't have the health insurance to keep them alive. It's all because of the policies of President Bush and his heartless Republicans. His "compassionate conservatism" extends to the brutalized people of Iraq, but what of the people in his own country? It's gotten so bad, it's beginning to look like a scene from a movie.

Those Wacky Episcopalians

They'll let anyone into their church.

"Episcopal Church Appoints First Openly-Muslim Bishop"

Sociobiological Stories

Kate also links to a story on a surgeon who has come up with some stories for why color-blindness, left-handedness, and homosexuality are characteristics still present in some members of the human race.

A problem with these sociobiological stories are simply that they are only stories. At least in the small article Dr. Leonard Shlain offers no evidence that his stories are the explanation for those traits. Give me a little time and I can come up with stories that are just a plausible and differ significantly from Dr. Shlain's. What's his plan to prove his stories are true? It might be found in his book Sex, Time, and Power.

"Being A Color-Blind, Bald, Left-Handed Homosexual Man Has Evolutionary Benefits"

Weird Dream

Michele's post makes me glad I don't remember my dreams.

"This One Time, at Blogger Camp..."

A Director is Born

"Ode to Rachel Corrie" is an original web movie by Michelle.

GenCon Coverage

When GenCon moved from Milwaukee to Indianapolis, the news coverage moved with it. Instead of the special section the Journal Sentinel use to give before the convention started, they're now down to one story printed after the con ended.

By the way, doesn't Stanley Miller II look a lot like Oliver Willis?

"High-Tech Fantasy Enchants Traditional Gamers"

Vote for the Gipper

Reagan is still leading the Toypresidents voting. Keep it up. Vote, vote, vote!

Loss

Wish Kevin and his family God's blessings during this hard time.

Double Dipping

If Maryland school were actually businesses (and not just "run like businesses") there would be a few bankrupt ones. Why? Because they're paying teachers $110,000 to teach phy ed. For that kind of money, there shouldn't be any obese kids at that school.

"$110,000 to Teach Phys Ed"

Toypresidents Update

The Gipper has passed Slick Willy in the action figure vote. Let's keep it up. Vote, vote vote!

Thanks to resurrectionsong for the link.

Purple Bear

No, you're not tripping on some bad batch of acid. The picture is real. Give him a green tummy and we'd have a living, breathing Barney. Scary.

"Medication Turns Polar Bear Bright Purple" [via RWN]

Bush Action Figure

President Bush now has his very own action figure. Not bad, but it should have had him in his flight suit.

The company is taking votes for their next figure. Right now, Bill Clinton is leading. He can't win. We don't need a toy that bites his lip along with female victim's. Would there be a cigar accessory along with it? Vote early, vote often and do your part to make sure Clinton doesn't win.

What Toypresidents should come out with are X-Presidents action figures.

Saddam's Invite

Laurence has posted an invitation to the world's second-most-wanted man:

OPEN LETTER TO SADDAM HUSSEIN:

Darling Saddam,

Feel free to camp out at my home anytime. Sure, it's just basic cable, but we've got a lot of the same movies that you had in one of those palaces (the nice ones, not the porn ones from Uday's stash). I'll even get the wife and cats out of your way. Just make yourself at home, have anything in the fridge (Miller Lite and Coors Light, your favorites!), and make all the long distance calls you need.

Oh, and I'll even toss in a trip to my dentist. Don't worry about the insurance and that garbage... it'll be my treat.

Signed,
Laurence Simon

Teapot Dome

Somehow Teapot Dome came up in a conversation with a friend last night. So, as a service to you, I offer this brief article on the Watergate of the 1920s, Teapot Dome. Politics, bribery, scandal, and Congressional investigations--and it didn't involve the Clintons.

"Teapot Dome"

Donkey Kong Fixed

Laurence discovered an evil Japanese conspiracy and isn't happy.

"You Can't Win"

Presto Daddy

Congratulations to Greg Ransom on becoming a father for the second time. He writes, "blogging will be intermittent here at the PrestoPundit site for the week or so." All that could mean is he'll only post 10 items a day. He certainly is prolific.

Joni's PSA

To any TAM readers that think they might go postal in the near future Joni has some good advice.

Stephen Hawking: Horny Physicist

Stephen Hawking was spotted in a English strip club. He was there for five hours and thought a woman named Tiger was "wonderful." I could go in a whole bunch of directions, but TAM is reasonably family friendly (I'm sure plenty of people with families have read TAM), and I don't want to pick on a genius who's done so much trapped in a broken body.

"I Get Quite Heated over Lapdancing" [via PrestoPundit.com]

Capitol Hill Blue Corrects

Doug Thompson admits he's been the victim of a 20-year con. Will we ever read something like this piece from the publisher of the NY Times? I'm won't hold my breath.

"Conned Big Time"

Baseball's Soft Spot

The winner of the cute-story-of-the-day goes to Atlanta Brave Robert Fick who has a new pet.

"Tiny Kitten Found Next to Braves Dugout, Finds New Home with Fick"

The Great Anniversary Festival

Below is a portion of John Adams' "Great Anniversary Festival" Letter:

But the Day is past. The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America.

I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.

You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.

This leads to the most important aspect of the letter. Adams wanteds his young nation to celebrate its birth. We have taken Adams to heart. Tomorrow, there will be parades, picnics, cookouts, baseball games, concerts, and fireworks. As for me, I'll be at Summerfest.

Happy Birthday, America! May God bless you for another 227 years.

---

I'll be linking to other weblogs' tributes to America

• Jonathan Wilde of Catallarchy.net wants us to "remember that the Spirit of '76 was first and foremost about liberty, and ask yourself what exactly we are celebrating today."
  
• Jack Bogdanski posted the entire Declaration of Independence
  
• Fredrick Norman wants us to watch John Stossel
  
• Howard Owens wants us to read his review of What's So Great About America?
  
• John Hawkins has a bunch of patriotic quotes.
  

• Mike puts some much-deserved attention on the constitution.
  
• Power Line links to a Calvin Coolidge speech on the 150th birthday of the U.S. and to a Lincoln speech connecting all peoples to the ideas behind the Declaration.
  
• Kevin Holtsberry quotes Randy Newman.
  
• Joni has gone all full red, white, and blue. Nice, very nice.
  

• Ghost of a flea lists the 50+ things he loves about America.
  

Bush Engaged

Sorry ladies, but GOP heart throb, George P. Bush is no long on the market. But feel free to continue drooling over the Right's version of JFK, Jr.

In stereotypical Republican fashion, they met when he asked her to go golfing.

"Bush Bachelor to Wed"

Strom-Puff Marshmallow Man

What a way to remember Sen. Strom Thurmond: him sitting down surrounded by marshmallows.

[via Samizadata]

There IS a Conspiracy

This is the funniest Weekly Standard parody I've ever read. I would even say it's Onion-material.

I am afraid of the "neocon hot bikini contest." I have no desire to see her in anything less than a pant suit.

[via Catallaxy Files]

World's Longest French Fry

While others quickly grasp for fame and (some) monetary fortune, if I would have gotten a 7-inch french fry, I would have just eaten it.

"7-inch French Fry for Sale on eBay" [via Descent into Madness]

Katharine Hepburn Dead

Godspeed, Katharine

"Hollywood Legend Katharine Hepburn Dies"

Battlestar Galactica Returns

Set your TiVo for December 7. That's when Battlestar Galactica returns to television. Cylon fighters and Colonial Vipers will be blasting away at each. Hopefully we'll see more than the 5-10 scenes they used in every episode of the original series.

One problem I'm having is I'm lusting for the new, female Starbuck. Dirk Benedict, this woman ain't.

[via Ghost of a flea]

Coping with Loss

It hasn't been 48 hours since I found out my cousin died, but it feels like its been days. At least in my house things are "normal." Mom, Dad, sis, and myself are all going about our business. Still, the event hangs like a fog over us all. We all know it's there so we have to manage as best we can. Distance helps. My family lives 45 minutes away from my aunt and uncle so we're not constantly bombarded with reality's cruel volley.

Monday becomes a day of sadness and rememberance. Visitation will be at Michelle's high school. Lots of her classmates are taking it hard. That afternoon the funeral will be at a local church. Since I grew up in the same town as Michelle, I know how a small community can gather together for support. I also know I'll be seeing people I haven't seen in a while. If only it could be under better circumstances.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I'm holding up fine so I don't need them. It's my aunt, uncle, and cousin, Michelle's 8-year-old brother, who need the support. In addition, think about those three who survived the crash. They're all wondering why they lived while one died.

No matter how much (or little) you've read of TAM you know I don't use this weblog as a personal diary. Online emoting doesn't happen here. Plenty of opinion based on strong-felt principles is what you find. I find public emoting to be almost pornographic. Many things about a person do not have to be displayed to the rest of the world. It's kind of like my few of music file sharing: just because it's easy to do doesn't mean you should do it.

What I'm trying to get at is you won't be reading some post where I lament Michelle's loss by bringing up a host of memories and feelings. TAM will not turn into a memoir-blog (New term? Quick, start a meme!). If I discover some bit of universal truth from these days of tears, I'll pass them on to you.

"Authorities Identify Teen Killed in Vehicle Crash"

Hooters Air

Want to go to Myrtle Beach? You can get there on Hooters Air. I heard the food on the flight is great, and there are great things to see.

"Leave It to Cleavage"

Muppets Know Terrorism

Listen to Cam Edwards' latest Diatribe. It's that button on the right side of his weblog. It's funny, funny, funny, and after today's events, I needed that.

Bad News

I've been awake for almost 20 hours straight. It's not that I have a bad case of insomnia or I'm just trying to see how long I can stay up until I start hallucinating. It's that at 4 am I found out my cousin was in a car accident. She's in a better place now, and her organs will extend life to others. I might post more on this later, but lack of sleep and a heavy heart keep me from saying any more.

The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Eccl. 12:7

"Hilbert Girl Killed in One-Vehicle Crash"

UPDATE: Everyone, thanks for the kind words. I did get a little sleep, but I feel just like my aunt. I want to wake up from this bad dream.

Strom's Dead

Sen. Strom Thurmond died. To say he lived a long life is an understatement. He was governor of South Carolina, ran for President on the Dixiecrat segregationist ticket, and became the longest serving Senator in U.S. history. (His last two terms were probably two longer than he should have been in office.) I have no interesting Strom stories, but Blaster has this one:

South Carolina Boy's State, 1983. If you don't know what Boy's State is, well, it's hard to explain. It is sponsored by the American Legion, and their website tells the story. At any rate, Boy's State teaches you about government, and various officials from the state come and speak to the boys in attendance. It was a hot summer day in Charleston. And we were all packed in to hear the Senator - I think we had 400 attendees. At any rate, Strom got up to talk to us, and when I tell this story, I can do a great imitation, so you'll just have to imagine it. He said, and I try to quote from 20 years ago as best I can, "Many people ask me, they say Strom, how come you live so long? Well, I get in up in the morning and I do my little exercises. I lay down on the floor and kick my feet up in the air. And I don't smoke. Now people say to me, Strom, you come from a tobacco stay-et [that's how he said it, two syllables], how can you be against smoking? Well, I say Americans shouldn't smoke, but we should sell all our tobacco to all those third world countries out there."

Godspeed, Strom.

Stalin World

Most of us love theme parks. It's great to go to a place like Six Flags Great America or Disney World on a sunny day. Going on rides, playing games, and just have fun brings out the kid in everyone.

But if you're bored of the same old roller coaster, ferris wheel, or carosel there's Stalin World in Lithuania.

The facility—part amusement park, part open air museum—is circled by barbed wire and guard towers, and dotted with some 65 bronze and granite statues of former Soviet leaders Vladimir Lenin and Josef Stalin, and assorted communist VIPs.

Organizers say it’s the first and only Soviet theme park in the world. Officially, the 30-hectare complex is called the Soviet Sculpture Garden at Grutas Park. But residents of the nearby village of Grutas have dubbed it Stalin World—a name that’s stuck.

At the park's opening, visitors could "drink shots of vodka and eat cold borscht soup from tin bowls, while loud speakers blared old communist hymns."

Vilumas Malinauskas, owner of the park, wanted it to be "family experience, built especially for our younger generation" or else "only pensioners and history buffs would visit."

What could be more tasteless, a German death camp park with ride taking visitors into a gas chamber? The people who thought up this idea should read Anne Applebaum's Gulag.

"Stalin World"

"I'm Going to Stalin's World!"

Surfin' Safari

On the always smart 2blowhards weblog is Michael's first (and only) surfing lesson. His conclusion: "I can guarantee that no Blowhard will ever again be welcome on a surfing beach."

"Surfin' Ignominy"

Questions Answered

Frank answers a pressing question about a Rumsfeld vs. Hulk battle:

That's a hard one. One is a boiling pot of rage that thinks of nothing more than destruction, and the other is large and green. Personally, I'd put my money on Rumsfeld… as long he took his arthritis medicine before the fight.

Giving women shoes is a big mistake. As soon as they have shoes, they might feel safe venturing outside the house. And if they're out of the house, who will bring you your beer when you are watching football? And next thing you know, women may use the freedom of shoes to go out and vote, and that's how people like Bill Clinton got elected. Even Dole would have won against him if men had just kept their women barefoot and in the kitchen.

Sulu in DC

There will be a movie about President Bush and September 11. Here's a portion of the Washington Post story:

The two-hour film, to air around the second anniversary of Sept. 11, 2001, stars Timothy Bottoms as Bush, reprising a role Bottoms played for laughs on the short-lived Comedy Central series "That's My Bush!," which went off the air a week before the Sept. 11 attacks. Many of the movie's secondary roles, such as Vice President Cheney and Secretary of State Colin Powell, are played by obscure New York and Canadian actors. Among the familiar faces in the cast are Penny Johnson Jerald (she plays the president's ex-wife on the Fox series "24"), who appears as national security adviser Condoleezza Rice, and George Takei (Sulu on the original "Star Trek" series), who plays Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta.

"D.C. 9/11 Spins Tale of President on Tragic Day" [via Begging to Differ]

O'Reilly Bashes Net and TAM Doesn't Care

I'd almost care about the hullaballo surrounding Bill O'Reilly's rant about the Internet, but that would require me to read his column, listen to his radio show, or watch his television show. (I find the O'Reilly Factor/Hannity & Combs prime time to be the most boring span on Fox News.)

Greg Does It for the Fan Mail

Greg Packer, the NY Times' favorite "man on the street," waits for hours in lines all over the New York City area just so he might get fan mail. Who would want to send an overweight no body fan mail? But then, Scott Peterson is getting fan mail.

"Long Island Man Sows His Platitudes Widely" [via PrestoPundit]

News Alert: Sun Warms Earth

It seems the sun might play a major role in global climate change. Here's a blurb from Scientific American:

Humans may be shouldering too much of the blame for global warming, according to a new look at data from six sun-gazing satellites. They suggest that Planet Earth has been drenched in a bath of solar radiation that has been intensifying over the past 24 years--an increase of about 0.05 percent each decade. If that trend began early last century, it could account for a significant component of the climatic warm-up that is typically attributed to human-made greenhouse gases, says Richard C. Willson of Columbia University's Center for Climate Systems Research in Coronado, Calif. Willson concedes that the climate's sensitivity to such subtle solar changes is still poorly understood, but the evidence merits keeping a close eye on both the sun and humans to better gauge their relative influences on global climate. "In 100 years I think we'll find the sun is in control," he says.

[via Mullings]

Lousy Spokesman

HUMOR:

According to ScrappleFace, there's been a backlash to those Woody Allen ads promoting France.

"People are calling up to cancel previously-planned French vacations," said one unnamed travel agent. "As soon as they hear Woody Allen talk about kissing his wife they suffer from mental images that only time can heal."

First in Line

Greg Packer isn't just an endless quote machine for the NY Times or an object of weblogging fun. He also has a compulsion to be first in line at events.

If I had the power, I'd immediately fire the professor who compared Packer's obsession to studying English literature.

"First in Line Guy: Obsession or Art Form?" [via The Agitator]

Hurray!

Congratulations to Mike and Dineen on the birth of their son, Alex.

I just hope they don't get too carried away with weblogging his life. We do want a second-generation weblogger.

Howdy Neighbor

In a bit of sheer "brillance," state officials placed a convicted child molester next door to a shelter for sexually abused children. Something about a fox and a hen house comes to mind. The shelter's owner said, "Somebody is not talking to somebody. Somebody wasn't paying attention." Yup. Nuff said.

"Morford Home Near Abused Children"

Shake It Baby

It's time to groove with ScrappleFace's entry into the dance music scene. Give it up for the "Axis of Weasels Dance Mix."

And the Winner Is...

Attention TAM readers: You are now reading the words of an award-winning writer. Sure, it may only be a James Joyner caption contest (no offence James), but nevertheless, yours truly tied for first.

I'd like to thank my family, friends, the Lord above, and especially...ME! For without me, me winning this contest would have never been possible. Thank you and good night.

Home from Festivities

This isn't much of a post (kind of like Kate's 100 things about herself list), since I did have a good a time at my cousin's wedding. I'll be working tomorrow so no posting until Monday night. But since holidays are slow traffic times I won't feel bad. I do want to thank John at Right Wing News for the weekend link. That was a nice traffic boost on a slow weekend. If you've discovered TAM through RWN, read the archives and come back again. If you're bored on a Sunday night, check out Jay Solo who's been weblogging up a storm. I think he's posting faster than InstaPundit.

Have a Good Weekend

No more posting on TAM for a few days. I'm going to my cousin's wedding and will have little time to contemplate further on the political economics of the tax cut or the cultural ramifications should Annika Sorenstam make the cut. Have a good, safe, fun weekend. I hope to be back posting Sunday night, but that depends on how much fun I have at the wedding.

Media Law

Greg Ransom looks at recent media falsities through the lense of a philosphy professor and posts:

[T]he nearer you are to a news story, the falser it is, the farther you are from a story, the truer the story seems.

Gift from the Gods

Kieran Healy just had his first Krispy Kreme experience. Kieran, here's a warning: once you give into those golden, glazed, goodies--the crack cocaine of the junk food world--you'll never be the same. Now, I'm hungry.

Stem Cells in Teeth

Scientists have found stem cells in baby teeth. Can we now get over the claim that turning human embryoes into stem cell farms is the future in this research?

"Baby Teeth Revealed as Source of Stem Cells"

Galen and SARS

Rich Galen might be a hypocondriac. Dealing with heart bypass surgery and all its complications probably had something to do with that. What Galen's SARS story does offer is much needed entertainment on top of the scaremongering.

"SARS Boy"

Me Be Illin'

There will only be one post tonight. That's because I'm sick. My initial guess was strep throat because my father had it a few days ago, but my throat is feeling better. Now, my head is stuffy, and I have aches and pains.

But no pity for me please. I'll be fine. To make it appear that this is a serious post, here's Glenn Reynolds on the Santorum sodomy spat (pretty good aliteration for a guy with a congested head?), and Newt Gingrich went off on the State Department.

For your amusement, Big Head Todd and the Monsters have just released some rare songs on MP3. Unlike file sharing, this is both legal and ethical. Have at them, they should be good.

Cannonball Run

While in Best Buy today I couldn't resist the DVD of Cannonball Run for $10. After watching it tonight, I have no regrets. It's a Hollywood mash-up filled with so many celebrities. There are the stars, Burt Reynolds, Farah Faucet, and Dom DeLuise, but you can't forget Roger Moore, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Burt Convy, Jamie Farr, and Jackie Chan (his first American movie?). It was laugh-out-loud funny. If you can't chuckle after hearing the Captain Chaos "Dun Dun Duuun!" then you just don't have a sense of humor. One problem with the movie was it didn't have enough Burt Convy. More Burt Convy. Are old episodes of Password on DVD?

Eric G Where are You?

To the offical TAM International Correspondent:

Attempts to contact you by various methods have proven ineffective. The publisher of TAM as well as the past editor of the Probitas (and his wife) worry that you might have been kidnapped and taken to Baghdad, Tikrit, or *gasp* Paris. E-mail or leave a comment to this post. Remember, we'll still love you even if you were a human shield (U.S. Wanker).

Yeah!!! Uh, I mean, too bad

Jennifer, if you need a shoulder to cry on, come my way.

"Jennifer Garner, Hubby Split"